天啊 Holy shit!
MAX 原创剧集
- 你怎么能这么镇定 - 我很慌张 - How are you not freaking out? - I am.
只是表现得没你那么明显 手机还我‥ I just freak out in a quieter way than you do. Give me my phone.
怎么回事 What hell is going on?
贝拉 别跟我说又是皮特戴维森穿棉裤的照片 Bela, this better not be about another pic of Pete Davidson in sweatpants.
不敢相信我会这么说 但是比那更棒 I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's actually better than that.
你看尼可给金柏丽照片的留言 Look at what Nico commented on Kimberly's pic.
洋装很可爱 加上大眼睛表情符号 That dress tho. Eye-bugging emoji.
天啊 他想上你 Oh, damn! He wants to f**k you.
- 跟我说的一样吧 - 才没这回事 - That's what I said. - No, I don't think that's true.
- 蕾登知道了吗 - 不知道 - Wait, has Leighton seen this? - No,
她说得很清楚 她没追踪我的社群媒体 she's made it very clear she does not follow me on social media.
- 我也没有‥ - 拜托别告诉她 - Me too. - Same. And please don't tell her.
连我碰到她的毛衣她都会生气了 更别说是她的哥哥 She gets mad at me when I touch her sweaters, let alone her brother.
你要回他吗 So are you gonna reply to him?
我想回俏皮一点的话 I thought I'd write back something cute.
像是你的留言也是 Like, I could say, "That comment tho."
不行 这很糟糕 Stop. No. That's bad.
我来教你传张养眼的照片给他 Here's what you do. Send him a picture, something tasteful
像是用中指把上衣领子拉下来 like pulling the top of your shirt way down with your middle finger.
贝拉 太过头了 现在才早上八点 Bela, too much. 8.00am.
天啊 他把留言删掉了 Oh, my God. He just deleted it.
你说什么‥ - Wait, what? - What the f**k?
- 他把留言删掉了 - 这是坏事吗 - He deleted the comment. - It's gone. Is this bad?
也许他事后发现那件洋装不好看 Like, maybe he decided he doesn't like "that dress tho"?
- 感觉情况不妙 - 等等 - I mean, it doesn't seem good. - Hold up.
尼可删除留言是件好事 Nico deleting the comment is a good thing.
这代表他不只喜欢你的照片 It means that not only was he into your picture, wink, wink
还在意到回来把留言删掉 but he thought about it enough to actually come back to it again later.
他已经迷上你了 He's basically obsessed with you.
贝拉说得可能有点道理 Wow! Bela may actually have a point.
- 我看算了吧 - 不 - You know what? - No.
我不要为了男人的关注把自己逼疯 I will not drive myself crazy waiting on some man's attention.
我拒绝过度思考这件事 I refuse to overthink this.
- 怎么样 - 是面包店的折价券 - Well? - It's a coupon for Panera.
大学女生的性生活
第一季 第 5 集
我知道这些衣服要送给需要的人 I know we're collecting these clothes for people who need them
但他们还需要受这种折磨吗 but, really, haven't they been through enough?
这些衣服是要让他们不必乞讨 But these clothes are to help get people off the streets
而不是让他们穿去汀恩德鲁卡吃早午餐 not into Dean & DeLuca for brunch.
你以为汀恩德鲁卡是早午餐餐厅 Oh, my God. Do you think that's a brunch place?
蕾登 我们今晚要参加变装皇后问答赛 Hey, Leight. A bunch of us are going to a drag queen trivia tonight
你想不想一起来 if you wanna join.
获胜的队伍可以免费修眉 Yeah, the winning team gets a free eyebrow shaping
并和弗蒙特州最棒的变装皇后米兰达皮纳斯合照 and a photo with Vermont's best drag queen, Miranda Penis.
我今晚有规划了 I actually have plans tonight.
西塔会要办年度最盛大的派对 Theta's throwing one of their biggest parties of the year
“西塔匹克” the "Theta-lympics."
你们怎么这么安静 What? Why are you all so quiet?
我又说了什么冒犯人的话吗 Did I accidentally say something triggering again?
我知道你哥是西塔会的成员 Hey, I get that your brother is in Theta
但兄弟会是充满性别歧视的有毒环境 but frats can be extremely sexist, toxic nightmares.
我们已经呼吁废止兄弟会超过一年了 I mean, we have been campaigning to abolish Greek life for over a year now.
我知道兄弟会的名声不好 Okay, look, I know frats get a bad rap, all right
但西塔会其实做过很多好事 but Theta actually does a lot of good.
他们刚在墨西哥盖好一栋建筑物 They just finished a construction project in Mexico.
对 因为他们烧了原本的餐厅 Yeah, on the Señor Frog's that they burned down.
好吧 他们不是完人 Okay, fine, maybe they're not perfect.
但你们有人去过兄弟会派对吗 But have any of you even been to a frat party?
我曾把自己绑在外面的树上过 I chained myself to a tree outside one once.
所以这是都只是臆测 So we're making a judgmental assumption?
- 你说得对 - 谢谢 - You're right. - Thank you.
在参加西塔会的派对前 我们不该批判他们 Yeah, I mean, we shouldn't be judging Theta until we go to one of their parties.
所以也许我们今晚都该去 So maybe we should all go tonight.
不行‥拜托 No! Oh, no. No, come on.
你们不是要去看变装皇后吗 I mean, you guys have your super-fun drag queen thing.
没关系 给西塔会一个机会证明我们是错的 No... Let's give Theta a chance to prove us wrong.
- 把邀请函寄给我吧 - 好 - Send me that invite. - I can.
先说他们把胸部合成到西塔会的标志上 Just FYI, they did Photoshop a boob into the Theta logo.
一开始就很顺利呢 And we're off to a great start.
我今晚的计划超酷的 I have the coolest f**king plans tonight.
《卡特兰》的编辑要举办红酒起司晚宴 The Catullan editors are throwing a wine and cheese soirée.
听起来一点都不酷 Yeah, that doesn't sound cool.
但 他们邀请你代表情况很顺利 But, hey, things must be going well if they invited you over.
他们没邀请我 Oh, no, they didn't invite me.
我听到他们邀请别人 所以我知道晚宴的时间地点 I overheard them invite someone else so I got all the deets I need to crash it.
我们需要说点什么 还是让她继续疯言疯语 Do we need to say something or do we just let her do this craziness?
- 我还在了解你们的互动模式 - 不 - I'm still learning your dynamic. - No.
不管要用什么手段 我都必须跟他们见面 Hey, I need facetime with these dudes however I can get it.
我要获得他们敬重 而这么做比长出老二简单多了 I want them to respect me and this is a hell of a lot easier than growing a dick. You know?
海登 运动服很帅喔 你在艾赛克斯书店买的吗 Hey, Hayden, sick tracksuit. You get that at the Essex bookstore?
是队上发的 酷吧 Nah, it was team issued. Drip-drip, right?
队上发的是免费的吗 Team-issued, like, for free?
- 我们没有对吧 - 对 男生校队的福利比我们好 - We didn't get those, did we? Nah. - The guys' team always gets more shit than we do.
不知道上次赛后衣服就摆在我们的置物柜里 Yeah, I don't know, these were just waiting for us in our lockers after our last game.
但你们输得很惨 Which you lost. Badly.
如果我们比得很开心 还算是输吗 I mean, did we really lose if we had fun?
对 我们七比一输了 And, yes, we lost 7-1.
开什么玩笑 Are you kidding me?
欢迎来到大学女子运动员的世界 Welcome to the world of being a female college athlete.
我尽量忽略这种事 否则我会发疯 I try to ignore it so I don't go insane
你该看看去年我发现他们更衣间有多好的反应 but you should have seen me last year when I first saw how much nicer their locker rooms are than ours.
他们的更衣间有多好 How much nicer is it?
对 我当时就是这个样子 Exactly. I looked just like that.
- 嘿 迦南 - 嘿 - Hey, Canaan. - Hey.
你是我目前唯一的男生朋友 You're kinda like my only male friend so far.
- 我想问‥ - 不行 我知道你要说什么 - Can I ask... - Nope. I see where this is heading
我不给人感情建议的 and I do not do dating advice.
天啊 我不是要问感情问题 Oh, my God. No. This is so not about dating.
- 事关我喜欢的一个男生 - 好吧 - But it is about a boy I like. - Okay.
你跟女生调情的时候 Okay, when you're flirting with a girl
会在她的社群媒体上留言 然后再把留言删掉吗 do you ever comment on her Instagram and then delete said comment later?
- 你说什么 - 我就说吧 他有反社会分子 - Wait, what? - See, I told you. You're dealing with a sociopath.
一个性感的反社会分子 A hot sociopath.
但老实说 多数反社会分子都很性感 But honestly, most are hot.
金柏丽 我没时间跟你聊这些 你自己也一样 Look, Kimberly, I don't have time for this conversation. And neither do you.
今天午夜要交的经济学习题难得不得了 These Econ problem set is due at midnight, and it's crazy hard.
- 专心写作业吧 - 我没办法分辨他喜不喜欢我 - Focus on that. - Okay, I just can't tell if he likes me or not.
如果他的留言赞美你 那大概是真心的 Look, if he left a nice comment he probably meant it.
或者是他是个渣男 Either that, or he's a f**kboy.
- 那我该怎么做 - 你该做你的经济学作业 - So what do I do? - You should do your Econ homework.
想知道尼可喜不喜欢你 做个实验就知道了 Look, if you wanna know if Nico's into you, test it.
发个限时动态 看他会不会马上看 Post a story and see if he checks it right away.
如果他马上看 代表他的演算法把你排在前面 If he does, that means you're really high up in his algorithm
演算法是骗不了人的 and algorithms, they don't lie.
- 天啊你是天才 - 我知道 - Oh, my God! You're a genius! - I know.
那我该发什么动态 像是爆红短片舞蹈 Okay, so what should I put in my story? Like a topical TikTok dance, or...
我会模仿海绵宝宝 I can do a SpongeBob impression.
- 够了 - 你不该自己保管手机的 - Okay. - You should not have custody of your phone.
你好 我莫名其妙 不穿衣服的哥哥 Hey, my for-some-reason shirtless brother.
我可以编一个不穿衣服的理由 Oh, I'd make up a reason for why my shirt is off
但真正的理由是我身材很好 but, honestly, it's because I know I look good without it.
- 怎么了 - 我今晚要带一些女生参加派对 - What's up? - I need to bring some other girls with me tonight?
太好了 其他卡帕会的潜在人选吗 Dope. Other Kappa hopefuls?
不对 是女性中心的人 No, they're from the... the Women's Center.
这就没那么好了 Oh. Less dope.
女性中心不是讨厌兄弟会 还想废止我们吗 Doesn't the Women's Center, like, hate the frats - and wanna shut us down?
对 但她们对兄弟会的了解仅限于卡瓦诺听证会 Yes. But everything they know about frats is from the Kavanaugh hearings.
让她们来看看 你们实际上没那么糟糕 All right, so just let them in and they'll see it's not as bad as they think.
小蕾 你不懂 Leight, you don't understand.
西塔会和校方的关系很紧张 Theta is already on thin ice with the administration
再有人投诉 我们可能就没了 and one more complaint could get us shut down.
她们不会害你们被废止的 They are not going to shut you down.
看看西格玛志会就知道了 Tell that to Sigma Chi.
他们的建筑原本在附近 现在变电商物流中心 They used to be down the block and now their building is an Amazon fulfillment center.
小蕾 帮我们一个忙 说服她们不要来 Look, Leight, please. Just do us both a favor and convince them not to come.
我想过了 So upon some reflection
我们应该参加变装皇后活动 I think we should all go to your drag thing.
抱歉 不能反悔 我们要去西塔会的派对 Sorry, Leight, a deal's a deal. We're going to Theta.
若你想支持米兰达皮纳斯 可以把小费汇给她 But if you wanna support Miranda Penis you can Venmo her tips.
账号是查尔斯史密斯78 It's CharlesSmith78.
老兄 墨西哥帽超棒的 Dude, these sombreros are awesome.
蕾登 抱歉她们要去了
这边有人主修女性研究吗 Is anyone in our delegation a Women's Studies major?
- 才没有呢 - 那辅修呢 - F**k, no. - Minor?
说什么鬼话 Get outta here with that crap.
没有吗 糟糕了 No? Shit.
男生更衣室
我是惠妮却斯 艾赛克斯女子足球队先发前锋 This is Whitney Chase starting forward for the Essex Women's soccer team
我要揭发男女学生运动员间的不平等待遇 and I am documenting the disparity between male and female student athletes.
我听说男生的更衣间比女生好很多 Now, I have been told that the men's locker room is significantly nicer than the women's.
老实说‥ And, honestly, I...
这一定是在开玩笑 Oh, you gotta be f**king kidding me.
这也太夸张了 This is insane.
木制置物柜 Wood-paneled lockers?
他们擦干蛋蛋的时候 还有狐狸吉祥物在一旁打气 And next up, the Essex Fox mascot uniform to cheer them on while they dry their balls.
- 除此之外还有什么‥ - 搞什么 - And let's see what else they've got... - What the f**k?
糟了 Oh, shit.
抱歉 Sorry.
- 你在想什么 - 我要揭穿不公不义 - What the hell were you thinking? - I was spotlighting injustice
把影片公开伸张正义 so I could go public with the footage and get it fixed.
没错 因为新闻媒体经常播放十八岁男生下垂的老二 Right, 'cause news outlets regularly share videos of floppy 18-year-old penises.
你知道你可能惹上多大的麻烦吗 Do you know how much trouble you could have gotten into?
我说服吉姆教练不计较 算你好运 You're lucky I convinced Coach Jim to let this go.
这就是你的计划 无视这一切 So that's your plan? Just look away
容忍差别待遇的体制 and condone a system where we get treated worse?
却斯我是54岁的女同志足球教练 Chase, I am a 54-year-old lesbian soccer coach.
不需要你来告诉我女性运动员的处境有多艰难 You don't need to tell me how hard it is for female athletes.
我也不是毫无作为 Okay? And no, that's not all I'm doing.
我要罚你接下来两场比赛坐板凳 I'm also benching you for two games.
这也太不公平了 What? That is so unfair.
你可以走了 You can go.
你发动态后 尼可过了多久才看 Okay, so how soon after you posted the story did Nico look at it?
- 两分钟 - 天啊 - Two minutes. - Damn, girl.
跟踪我的变态都没看这么快 My stalker doesn't even check my stories that fast.
而且他坐过牢 尼可一定喜欢你 And he served time. Nico's into you.
而且他还邀请你参加西塔会派对 Okay, and then he invited you to the Theta party?
这是性爱邀约 记得把身体洗干净 Oh, yeah. That's a sex invite. Shower good.
- 才不是 你疯了 - 金柏丽没其他解释了 - No, you're crazy. - Kimberly. There is no other way to interpret it.
好好把握他的老二 Go for it, Seize the dick.
我回了他一张婴儿跑步的动图 Okay, but then I replied with a GIF of a baby running real fast saying
上面写着我来了 "I'm coming."
他回答开玩笑的 And he replied "JK"
还有“抱歉 传错人了” and then "Whoops, that was meant for someone else."
就这样吗 And that was it?
也许我应该待在家写经济学作业 Maybe I should just stay in and do my Econ.
我得准时在午夜缴交 否则就会得零分 I have to upload it by midnight sharp or I get a zero.
或者去参加派对 让他当面跟你调情 看看会不会有结果 Or you should go tonight let him flirt like this in person, and see if something happens.
我同意乔丝琳的说法 I agree with Jocelyn.
而且我是一个社会智力极高的人 And I say that as someone with extremely high social intelligence.
我要去参加我没受邀的起司派对了 All right, I'm gonna go crash a cheese party I wasn't invited to.
把握老二‥ Seize the dick Seize the dick
♪ - Hey! - Seize the dick ♪
♪ Seize the dick Seize the dick... ♪
贝拉 你怎么会来 Bela, what are you doing here?
当然是来参加起司派对 你真爱说笑 I'm here for the cheese thing. You goof.
伍兹教练 你找我吗 Hey, Coach Woods, you wanted to see me?
请坐 Take a seat.
- 道顿过来 - 道顿 - Dalton, let's go! - Dalton?
这是怎么回事 Okay, what is happening?
你妈要求开会 Your mom has asked for a meeting.
谢谢你把两场比赛的禁赛处分变成国家安全事件 So thanks for making a two-game suspension a national security issue.
什么 教练 我保证没要她这么做 What? Coach, I swear I didn't ask her to do this. I mean,
我只是‥ I only...
- 你们好 - 妈 你搞什么 - Hello. - Mom, what the hell?
我联络你的教练 因为我需要她解释 I'm reaching out to your coach because I would like for her to explain
为什么我女儿会难过地打给我 why my daughter called me, all upset
说她因为对抗性别歧视遭到禁赛 to tell me she had been benched for standing up against discrimination.
我们很乐意解释 但是我们必须遵守规则 And we welcome that opportunity. But we do have rules.
参议员 我保证 我们都很爱你的女儿 Senator, I assure you, we love your daughter.
我们都很爱她 Like, all of us do. We all do.
伍兹教练也是甚至比我更爱 Coach Woods included even more so than I.
天啊 Oh, my God.
抱歉 你是哪位 I'm sorry, who are you?
助理教练道顿 Dalton, assistant coach.
伍兹教练可以移动荧幕 让他不要出现在画面里吗 Coach Woods, can you turn the screen slightly to frame him out?
- 好 - 我想你很清楚 - Oh, yeah. - Now, as you probably can expect
自己的女儿受到不公待遇 我不会视而不见 I cannot sit back and allow my daughter to be mistreated.
我不是要找院长更换教练‥ I'm not saying I wanna go to the dean about a leadership change...
妈 够了 Mom, stop it!
却斯参议员 我很乐意改变先前的决定 Senator Chase, I am willing to overturn my previous decision.
但希望你能理解我为何严正看待此事 But... I hope you understand why I took this so seriously.
你女儿拍摄男生的裸体 而且未征得同意 Your daughter filmed naked boys without their permission.
等等 你说什么 Wait, I'm... I'm sorry, what?
她很幸运 十七岁的守门员留在蒸气室 Well, she's lucky the 17-year-old goalie stayed in the sauna
否则依法来说 她就是拍摄儿童色情影片 since that would legally be the creation of child pornography.
可以把我转向我女儿吗 Could you angle me towards my daughter?
当然可以 Oh, yeah, you bet.
你拍未成年人的裸体 Nudes of a minor?
老天 惠妮 我们可不姓甘乃迪 Jesus, Whitney, we're not the Kennedys.
妈 我很抱歉 我只是想要伸张正义 Mom, I'm sorry, I just wanted to make things right.
这件事我们晚点再谈 You and I will talk about this later.
好 Yeah.
谢谢你 特地拨冗歌楚 Thanks again, Gertrude. Appreciate your time.
我好爱你的衬衫 Girl, I love that blouse.
你们在聊什么 他的发型有多帅吗 Hey, what are you guys talking about over here? How cool this guy's hair is?
- 我们在讨论法兰岑 - 法兰岑烂透了 - We were discussing Franzen. - Franzen sucks.
我爸妈以前在冰箱冰了一盒白金粉黛 My parents used to keep this box of white Zinfandel in their fridge.
有次我把整盒喝掉 吐在我家的猫砂盆里 One time, I drank it all and barfed in my cat's litter box.
你是说法兰家吗 那种盒装红酒 Do you mean Franzia? The boxed wine?
不是‥我当然是开玩笑的 No, no, I was obviously joking, guys.
我要去找某人带来的起司盘 But hey, I'm gonna get that... cheese platter somebody brought
然后吃掉上面的东西 and eat something off of it.
你觉得在场谁最讨人厌 So which person here do you find the most insufferable?
我觉得是那个九度提到自己在叙利亚留学的女生 I'm going with the girl who's mentioned studying abroad in Syria, like, nine times.
对了 我觉得你上次写的文章很棒 Oh, by the way, I thought that last piece you wrote was great.
主题是你的移民老爸老是把别人认成珍妮佛嘉纳 The one about all the people your immigrant dad keeps confusing with Jennifer Garner?
谢谢 很高兴你喜欢 Cool, thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it.
那是真人真事 I can say it comes from a real place.
我的移民老爸把很多人误认为珍妮佛嘉纳 My immigrant dad confuses a lot of people with Jennifer Garner.
我做了一些笔记 你有兴趣看看吗 Well, I wrote some notes on it, if you're interested.
天啊 太棒了 Oh, my God. That would be great.
我们丢了所有的墨西哥帽和服跟爆炸头假发 We tossed all the sombreros, kimonos, and fake afros.
我们想丢掉所有会冒犯人的东西 We tried to get rid of any and all triggers.
看起来很不错 Yeah, yeah, I mean, it looks good.
应该没东西会冒犯女性中心的人 I can't imagine the Women's Center crew being offended by any of this.
蕾登 我们可以进来吗 Leighton, hi. May we enter?
大家人呢 派对不是八点开始吗 Where is everybody? Does the party not begin at 8.00?
现在才八点五分 你们也太早到了 It's 8.05, that's an insane time to arrive for an 8.00 party.
需要帮你挂外套吗 Can I take your coat?
我穿在身上就好 谢谢你 I will keep it on and buttoned, thank you.
你觉得自在就好 Great, yeah, whatever makes you comfortable.
我做了面包给你 I made you a bread.
这真是‥好重喔 Oh, that's... wow, it's so heavy.
好 我带你们参观一下吧 Cool. Please. Let me show you around.
尼可 你家是工匠风 真漂亮 Nico, what a lovely Craftsman home you have.
今晚会一团糟 对吧 So tonight is gonna be a shitshow, isn't it?
没错 Oh, yeah.
- 你想喝酒吗 - 我还没进门就开喝了 - Do you want a drink? - Oh, I already started in the driveway.
- 可以 - 我们继续喝吧 - Okay. - But yeah let's continue drinking. Please.
金吉 那是随身摄影机吗 Ginger, is that a bodycam?
不是‥这是一般的胸针 What? No, no. This is a normal broach.
我觉得修改这些地方会更好 Yeah, I think if you make a few of these cuts, it'll be great.
你可以把这些加入最后缴交的作品 You should totally include this in your final writing submission.
真的吗 真是太感谢你了 Really? Cool, thank you so much.
- 我们出去吧 - 在我们出去之前 我想给你看一个有趣的影片 - Should we go back out there? - Hey, before we go, I wanna show you this funny video I saw.
好啊 我也可以给你看一个 Sure. After yours, I have one too.
内容是一个女人拿着奶昔跌倒 It's a lady who falls with a milkshake.
西塔匹克的精神是竞赛和盛会 Theta-lympics are a celebration of competition and pageantry.
准确来说 是喝酒的竞赛与盛会 Specifically, drinking competition and drinking pageantry.
- 了解 - 但我们做了所有的防范措施 - Okay. - But note that we take every possible precaution.
我们请了有执照的酒保 Drinks are poured by licensed bartenders.
还有两位不喝酒的弟兄 负责处理各种问题 And two brothers have been designated as sober problem-solvers.
放轻松 You can calm down. Look,
我知道你觉得 我是可怕的女同志抗议人士想让你们垮台 I know that you think I'm some, like, big, scary lesbian protester coming to get you.
我不知道你是女同志 I did not know that you are a lesbian.
如果这么推定就太失礼了 It would be rude if I'd assumed that.
尼可 过头了 Nico, less.
我只是来找乐子的 Hey, so, I'm just here to have a good time.
我要做酒桶倒立 你愿意扶我的腿吗 Now, would you please hold my feet for a keg stand?
那你等一下也要帮我扶 Only if you hold mine afterwards.
- 男女平等 - 真是够了 - Equality. - Oh, my God.
很好 需要多一点冰块 Okay, cool. Needs more ice.
我去看看金吉 有没有拿到无麸质啤酒 Actually, I am gonna go make sure that Ginger has her gluten-free beer.
我去看看她 Check on her.
我来是为了自己 不是为了他 But really, I'm here for me. Not for him.
- 我不在乎看不看得到他 - 很好 - I don't even care if I see him. - Okay, good.
今晚是属于我自己的 Yeah, tonight's a "me" night.
但如果见到他 我该提到他删留言的事吗 But in the event that I do see him should I mention him deleting the Instagram comment?
你们玩得开心吗 Hi, what's going on over here?
其实我不在意 我只是想躲某个人 Actually, I don't care. I'm just trying to avoid someone, so...
真伤人 好吧 Damn, okay.
- 她来了 - 嘿 - Hey, there she is. - Hey.
- 红酒起司晚宴怎么样 - 还行 - How was the wine and cheese thing? - It was fine.
- 就这样 - 对啊 怎么了吗 - That's it? - Yeah, what? What's wrong?
- 你怪怪的 - 对 你跟平常不一样 - You're acting weird. - Yeah, your vibes are way off.
发生了一件怪事 Yeah. Something sort of weird actually did happen.
有个《卡特兰》的编辑给我修改文章的建议 One of The Catullan editors was giving me notes on a piece
然后突然开始播放色情片 and then he put on a porn.
他干吗做这种事 - 你当时在跟他亲热吗 - What? Why did he do that? - Were you hooking up with him?
没有 话讲一半他就开始播放 No, we were just talking, and then he put it on.
- 这感觉是变态的行为 - 他感觉不像变态 - So like a predator does. - No, not like a predator.
他很友善 说要给我看有趣影片 It was friendly. He said he just wanted to show me a funny video.
有趣影片是色情片 And the funny video was porn?
- 贝拉 我觉得不太对劲 - 那部色情片有趣吗 - Bela, I don't like this. - Was the porn even funny, though?
这就是重点 我不知道哪里有趣 That's the thing, I couldn't figure out
一定是我忽略了什么 what the funny part was, but I must have missed something.
没事啦 It's fine.
你记得片名吗 Well, do you remember what it was called?
也许他觉得他们没脱袜子很好笑 Maybe he thought it was funny that they kept their socks on?
应该不是吧 No, I don't think so.
还是因为他的蛋蛋和老二有色差 Is it funny that his balls are a different color than his penis?
你们看的时候他在笑吗 Was he laughing while you were watching?
没有 他只是盯着影片看 然后大声呼吸 No, he was just staring at it and, like, breathed heavy.
放完之前我们都没有眼神接触 We didn't even make eye contact until it ended.
我确定了 那个人是个怪胎 Yeah, hey, final decision. This guy is weird as f**k.
我同意你应该避开他 Yeah, I agree. You should avoid him.
如果艾瑞克这么做 我还能理解 Okay, if this was Eric, that would be one thing
但他是莱恩 他人很好 but this is Ryan. He's the nice one.
嘿 Hey!
今晚不能看色情片 我们要拿出最好的表现 No watching porn tonight! We are on our best behavior.
我们可以的 Okay, all right, this is gonna be okay.
但你要使出吃奶的力气刷地 But listen, I'm gonna need you to sweep - like you've never swept before.
我可是刷地之王 Yo, I am the king of sweeping.
- 上吧 - 来罗 快刷‥ - Hit it. - Go. Okay, go!
快刷 刷 Go, sweep! Sweep!
- 什么 - 帅啦‥ - What! - F**k yes! Yes.
看来尼可找到了新的芭比娃娃 Looks like Nico's got himself a new Barbie doll.
她吗 你的芭比娃娃都长什么样子 Her? Girl, what the hell did your Barbie dolls look like?
做得好 尼可 - Great job, Nico! - Hey!
- 嘿 - 谢了 兄弟 - Hey! - Thanks, man.
他刚才叫你兄弟吗 Did he just call you "man"?
- 也许他是说女士 - 那也没有比较好 - Maybe he said "ma'am." - That's not better.
- 嘿 嘿 - 谢谢 好啊 - Hey! - Hey! Thank you!
- 我晚点再去找你 - 不错 听起来不错 - All right, I'm gonna get you later. - All right, sounds good.
搞什么 我才刚‥ What the hell, I just...
- 当然了 是你 - 放轻松 - Of course it's you. - Oh, take it easy.
你想怎样 拍更多我的老二照 当私人收藏吗 What are you gonna do? Grab some more pics of my dick for your personal collection?
- 那不是我的用意 - 好吧 - That's not what I was doing. - Okay.
你觉得这公平吗 男足战绩不好 却享有各种资源 Look, do you think it's fair that a men's soccer team with a losing record gets tons of swag
战绩较好的女足队却什么都没有 while a women's team with a winning record gets nothing?
我觉得我们享有资源 是因为大家会看我们比赛 Okay, I think that we get shit because people actually come to our games.
观众喜欢男子运动 因为我们天生是好运动员 And people prefer men's sports because we're better natural athletes.
我们比较壮 跑得更快 肌肉更多 We're stronger, we're faster, and we have bigger muscles.
这个回答会太直白吗 Was that too real of an answer for you?
你觉得你跑得比我快 You really think you're faster than me?
对 Yeah.
证明啊 Prove it.
为什么垃圾桶里有那么多墨西哥帽 Why are there so many sombreros in that dumpster?
应该是他们听说我们要来 I think when they heard we were coming
就放弃了比较有争议的元素 they ditched some of the more problematic elements of this party
我所谓的争议是严重的种族歧视 and by "problematic," I do mean deeply, deeply racist.
- “我们” - 什么 - "We"? - Huh?
你刚说他们听说我们要来 You just said, "When they heard we were coming."
你是我们的一员了吗 What, are... are you one of us now?
女性中心的一员吗 Oh, a Women's Center person?
你疯了吗 我宁愿去参加即兴表演 Are you insane? I would sooner do improv.
天啊我们有那么糟糕吗 Oh, God! We're that bad?
也是 我说得太过火了 Yeah, you're right. I crossed the line.
爽啦 Oh. Oh, yeah...
老兄 可以别在我们旁边尿吗 Dude, can you please not take a piss right next to us?
我是来喝酒的 不想看到你的老二 I mean, I came here to drink, not see the side of your dick.
- 随便啦 - 王八蛋 - Whatever. - Asshole.
不喜欢就滚 男人婆 If you don't like it, leave, you dyke.
你叫我什么 What the f**k did you just call me?
滚开 F**k off.
接招 王八蛋 Take that, motherf**ker.
你正在被男人婆痛扁 Yes, this dyke is kicking your f**king ass!
- 艾丽西亚‥.住手 - 放开我 - Alicia, stop! - Get off of me.
- 怎么回事 - 你站在哪一边 - What the hell? - Who's side are you on, anyway?
你看到了吗 Did you see that?
艾丽西亚 等等‥ Wait, Alicia. Wait up.
- 艾丽西亚别走 - 做什么 - Alicia. Alicia, stop. - Why?
我对抗那个混帐 所以你要教训我吗 So that you can get mad at me for defending myself against that f**king dick?
不是 我不想看到你受伤 No, I just didn't wanna see you get hurt.
他可能会杀了你 我知道你觉得自己很凶悍 Okay, that guy could have killed you. I know you think you're tough,
- 但你才五尺高 - 我有五点二尺高 - but you are f**king five feet tall. - I am 5'2"!
发生这种事我很抱歉 Okay, I am so, so sorry that that happened.
带你来这里我很抱歉 Okay, and I'm so sorry that I brought you here.
我发誓我没看他们做过这种事 I... I swear to God I've never seen these guys do anything like that before.
那当然了 Yeah, of course you haven't.
因为他们对待你我的方式不一样 Because they don't treat you like they treat me.
我只是他们上不到的女同志 I'm just this queer girl that they can't f**k.
但你是个漂亮的金发直女 值得他们的尊重 But you, you're this pretty, blonde, straight girl who they actually think is worthy of respect.
- 不是这样的 - 当然是 - That... that's not true. - Yes, it is.
不是 No.
我的意思是‥ No... no, I mean... I mean...
你对我的形容是错的 What... what you said about me, you're wrong.
我说错了什么 What part am I wrong about?
看来我真的错得离谱 Whoa. I was, like, really wrong about you.
闭嘴 Shut up.
干杯 快跑 开始罗 准备好‥ Let's go, let's go. All right, all right.
先跑完一英里的人将证明自己的性别更优越 First one to a mile permanently proves which gender is superior.
三 二 一 开始 Three, two, one, go!
打败他 defeat him.
- 轻松得很 - 你输定了 - It's easy. - You're losing.
- 随便你说 - 没错 - I got you. - Okay.
对啊 好 Yeah, okay.
金柏丽 等一下 Hey, Kimberly, wait up.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
我觉得过意不去 我邀请了你 却忙到没空陪你 I feel terrible. Like, I invited you, I got busy, and I barely saw you.
其实我没注意到 Oh, I didn't even notice.
我身边太多朋友了 I was just hanging out with so many friends.
那就好 Right.
我得走了 要做作业 But I have to get going. Homework.
要我陪你走回家吗 Do you want me to walk you?
好啊 Yeah, you can do that.
没问题 Sure.
为女性主义加油 Give it up for feminism!
加油 Yeah!
- 我快跑完了 - 你能赢的 - I'm close! - You're gonna win!
不行‥ No...
这就对了‥ Yeah! That's right! Yeah, that's right!
看来男人确实比女人快 I guess men are faster than women after all.
糟糕 Oh, shit.
“她还是撑过来了” "Nevertheless, she persisted!"
西塔匹克跟你想的一样好玩吗 So was the Theta-lympics everything you hoped for?
对 没有人把啤酒洒在我身上 Yeah. I mean, no one spilled a beer on me
所以这是我最喜欢的西塔会派对 so it was easily my favorite Theta party yet.
对了 你是不是在我的社群媒体上留言 然后又删掉 Hey, did you leave a comment on my Instagram and then delete it?
对 Yes.
我不希望看到的人误会 I didn't want anyone reading it and getting the wrong idea.
误会什么 The wrong idea like what?
你是我妹的室友 还是我的家教学生 You're my sister's roommate, and I'm tutoring you
我不应该说你看起来‥ and I shouldn't be saying you look...
你懂的 you know.
我该回去了 I should get back.
谢谢你送我回家 Thanks for walking me home.
小事一桩 No problem.
惨了 Oh, shit.
总体经济学作业上传区
上传中
缴交期限已过作业未完成
可恶 F**k.
你真的要现在离开 Are you seriously leaving right now?
只是因为时间不早了 No, it's just late. That's all.
听着 我懂 Look, I get it.
我以前也都在上床后匆忙离开 I always used to rush away after sex too.
但也许你能坐下来 Instead, you know, maybe you could just come sit down.
我们可以叫外送 看看印度媒婆 We could order some Postmates, maybe watch some Indian Matchmaker.
好吧 Okay.
我可以看一到六集 Okay, I will stay for one to six episodes.
很好 Okay.
可以跟你借用账号吗 Could I borrow your Netflix login?
真的吗 没受伤吧 Are you serious? Did you get hurt?
我没事 你该看看跑步机 我的下巴把它撞凹了 I'm fine. You should see the treadmill. My chin definitely dented it.
小惠 我们得谈谈 Whit, we need to talk.
我们不能继续这样了 We can't do this anymore.
你要跟我分手吗 Are you breaking up with me?
都是我的错 我们交往是个错误 It's my fault. This whole thing was wrong.
我不该顺水推舟的 And it was inappropriate for me to ever go along with it.
顺水推舟 "Go along with it"?
我们必须结束这段感情 Look, we just need to end it.
我不懂 I don't... I don't understand.
是因为我妈打给教练的关系吗 Wait, is this because of the... the call with my mom?
小惠 要是她发现我们交往 我就完蛋了 Whit, if she ever found out we were together, I'd be done.
你心知肚明 她会封杀我 You know it. She would have me so cancelled.
新闻会大肆报道 没有学校会雇用我 It would be this big story, and no school would ever hire me.
所以现在呢 Wait, so... so what now?
我们就假装什么事都没发生 We just go on pretending everything's normal
你回去找老婆 希望她能原谅你吗 and you go home to your f**king wife and hope she forgives you and takes you back?
其实我没把我们的事告诉她 I never actually told her.
你也不该说出去 否则我们都会损失惨重 You shouldn't tell anyone, either. We both have a lot to lose.
搞什么鬼 What the f**k?
雷切尔·雷米斯特