末日巡逻队 第三季 第四集
你看起来是不是貌美如画 Don't you look pretty as a picture?
请聆听 以色列 主是我们的上帝 是唯一 She-ma yisrael adonai eloheinu, adonai echad.
出什么事了 我在哪里 What's going on? Where am I?
早上好 朋友 Morning, sunshine.
威洛比 你做了什么 Willoughby? What have you done?
你相信我只是想和位老朋友聊天吗 Would you believe I just fancied a chat with an old friend?
很难相信 Hardly.
在你变得自命清高前 Well, before you get all holier-than-thou,
如果局势逆转 你也会做相同的事 if the tables were turned, you'd have done the same thing.
拉比罗乌曾让他的怪物活过来 Rabbi Loew animated his creature
以保护他的子民免受屠戮 to protect his people from slaughter.
我怀疑你对我是否有如此崇高的目的 I doubt you have such lofty intentions for me.
你这么说我好伤心 That hurts my feelings.
有很多重要的事等着我们去做 I've got loads of important shit for us to do.
有几个老朋友要见 And old friends to see.
原创翻译 双语字幕
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翻 译 易碎的绝对
天啊 可怜的奈尔斯 Dear God, poor Niles!
翻 译 DerbyNinja
你到底发生了什么事 Whatever has happened to you?
鲍芙默 Baphomet.
你好 亲爱的 Hello, love.
翻 译 屯栗子*5
我很好 只是体重减轻了些 仅此而已 I'm perfectly well. Just lost a little weight, that's all.
校 对 屯栗子
你好吗 How are you?
-我... -那太好了 - I... - Well, that's great!
听着 我能头对头问你件事吗 Listen, can I ask you something, head to head?
时间轴 Caroline Jessie
你觉得我的朋友威洛比怎么样 What do you think of my pal, Willoughby?
后 期 咖啡·Lee
他是那种你会与之结婚的人吗 Is he the kind of chap you see yourself settling down with?
威利 你怎么能对你朋友做这种可怕的事 Willy, how could you do this dreadful thing to your friend?
总 监 屯栗子
你到底什么意思 Whatever do you mean?
我觉得我看起来很不错 I think I look top shelf.
我对这些小孩子的游戏没兴趣 I have no interest in these baby games.
除非你决定长大 否则别再召唤我了 Don't summon me again unless you decide to grow up.
宝贝 等等 Baby, wait!
该死 Fuck!
抱歉 威洛比 I'm sorry, Willoughby,
但这太可悲了 即使是对你而言 but that was pathetic, even for you--
你走错房间了 混蛋 Wrong room, dickhead.
不是吧 Oh, fuck me.
你会告诉我们你是谁 So, are you gonna tell us who you are
还是需要对你严刑逼供再开口 or does someone need to jam a foot up your pee-hole?
你真可爱 你们可以告诉我 Oh! Aren't you charming? Now, would you mind telling me,
你们觉得奈尔斯·考尔德什么时候会回来 when are you expecting Niles Caulder back?
-这个吧... -听着 女士 - Well... - Look, lady.
你在我们家 You're in our house...
-穿着我们的衣服 喝着我们的茶 -是的 - wearing our clothes and drinking our tea. - Yeah.
回答我们的问题 Now, answer our questions.
然后 我们或许能聊聊奈尔斯 Then maybe we could talk about Niles.
-你这是怎么弄的 -你说什么 - How were you made? - Excuse me?
是铝吗 Is that aluminum?
这个是怎么... You know, how does it...
怎么黏在你脸上的 How does it stick to your face?
这就是他的脸 Uh, that is his face.
这就是他的脸 好吧 That is his face! Wow, okay.
-别再这样 -好吧 就一会 - Stop doing that! - Okay, in a minute.
-真有趣 -你在我们家待多久了 - It's fascinating. - How long have you been in our house?
久到看见绷带男来这里 Well, long enough to see Bandages over here
给你们的尸体梳妆打扮 play dress-up with your dead bodies.
-不是吧 -什么鬼 - No! - The fuck?
我当时处于低谷 没做出很好的决定 好吗 I was at a low point and wasn't making great decisions, okay?
好吧 告诉我 Okay, tell me,
你们为什么都像马戏团动物一样在挠痒痒 why are you all scratching like circus animals?
现在说出你的名字 否则我把你拖出去 Your name, now. Or I'm dragging your ass out of here.
好吧 我不是故意不说 Okay, well... I'm not being coy.
事实是 我不记得了 The truth is, I can't remember.
-你为什么要找首席 -我也不记得了 - Why are you looking for Chief? - Can't remember that either.
但当我想到他 But when I think of him,
我立刻有种强烈的冲动 I am filled with an overwhelming and immediate urge
想给他脸上来一拳 to punch him in the face.
-这就是他 -是的 - That's him. - Yup.
-说得对 -听起来没错 - Word. - Sounds about right.
但我知道的是 But here's what I do know.
我似乎是通过某个时空穿梭胶囊来这里的 I seem to have traveled here via a sort of a time-travel capsule.
结果 我有中等 As a result, I have a moderate
至中等以上的 to more-than-moderate degree
记忆丢失 of memory loss.
所以我需要找到这位奈尔斯·考尔德 And that I need to find a certain Niles Caulder.
胡说 Bullshit!
没时空穿梭这种事 There's no such thing as time travel.
因为如果有 'Cause if there was,
一个叫吉米·德克的六年级混蛋 a certain sixth grade assbag named Jimmy Decker
绝不会在学校集会上扯下我的裤子 would've never pulled my pants down in assembly.
我也绝不会 And I never would've had
被叫了六年"胖丁丁" the nickname "Cheeto Dick" for six years.
这就是你要回到过去解决的问题吗 That's what you would go back in time and fix?
当然 但如我所说 时空穿梭并不存在 Fuck yeah! But like I said, time travel doesn't exist.
你们刚说什么来着 You were saying?
你是哪年来的 What year did you come from?
如果你看见我们死了 If you saw us dead,
这意味着你至少是昨天来的 that means that you were here at least since yesterday.
-丽塔 -什么事 - Hey, Rita? - Hmm?
之前你的秘密警报什么时候响的 When did your super-secret alarm thing go off?
我想是我们去科兹威尔的前一天 Uh, the day before we went to Codsville, I think.
你完全忽视了这件事 Which you completely ignored.
重要的是... 闭嘴吧 Well, the important thing is... Oh, shut up.
她现在在这里 不是吗 She's here now, isn't she?
好吧 是的 现在到你们回答我的问题 Right, yes. And now it's time for you all to answer my questions,
从奈尔斯·考尔德在哪里开始 starting with, "Where is Niles Caulder?"
他死得不能再死了 天啊 我喜欢这么说 He's deader than shit. God damn, I love saying that.
我明白了 多久了 I see. How long?
大约两周 About two weeks.
两周 好吧 Two weeks. Right.
那我就时空穿梭回到那时候 Well, then I shall just time-travel back to then.
那你能做到吗 真能和他说话吗 Then. You can do that? And actually talk to him?
这是时光机 亲爱的 It's a time machine, dear.
所以如果我愿意 So I can, you know,
我可以穿越过去 跟亚当和夏娃聊聊天 travel back and have a wee chat with Adam and Eve, if I want to.
我不清楚 I don't know.
两周前这里还挺吓人的 Things were a little hairy around here two weeks ago.
那个蜡烛恶魔还没人管 Kaiju candle-demon on the loose.
也许你要往回追溯一点 You might wanna go back a little further.
好 那我应该回到三周前 Right. Well, I shall go back three weeks, then.
三周前这地方到处都是讨厌的性爱幽灵 This place was lousy with sex ghosts around then.
我不建议三周前 I don't recommend it.
那倒是 没错 True. That's right.
-那四周前 -不行 - Well, four weeks? - No.
-不行 -不行吗 那好 五周前呢 - No. - No? Okay. Well, how about five?
-绝对不行 -不好 - Hell, no. - No.
七周前 七周前呢 同意七周前吗 Seven? What about seven? Give me seven.
谁同意七周前 同意七周前吗 Anyone for seven? You want to give me seven?
-都同意七周前吗 -应该都同意了 - Seven, anybody? - I think you're good.
好极了 一路顺风 Good, all righty. Bon voyage!
代我向首席问好 Send Chief our love.
告诉他我说... 他懂的 Tell him I said... He'll know what it means.
要道别了 Okay, well, this is goodbye
真是一次令人愤怒的经历 and has been a truly infuriating experience.
我只希望在你们有需要的时候 And I only hope that in your time of need,
今天你们在这里表现给我的那种无能和无用 you will be met one day with the same ineptitude and uselessness
总有一天 你们也会遇到的 which you have shown me here today.
所以 永别了 So, I bid you adieu.
和平 天呐 Peace. God.
来吧 开始了 Come on, come on. Let's go.
来吧 来吧 Come on, come on.
谁会修机器 Who's good with machines?
女士 我十分钟前才知道穿越时光的存在 Lady, I only knew time travel existed ten minutes ago.
谢谢 Thank you.
我修不了你的机器 I can't fix your machine.
不 这种态度当然修不了 No. Well, not with that attitude, you can't.
克里夫呢 What about Cliff?
他对修车无所不知 He knows everything about fixing cars.
我不止无所不知 I know more than everything.
其实我根本不在乎这些事 Thing is, I don't give a shit about any of this.
你们几个孩子去玩吧 我要走了 So you kids have a party. I'm out of here.
等等 我们就让某个疯婆子待在我们家 Wait. We're just gonna let some crazy lady stay in our house
到处乱翻我们的东西吗 and put her crazy lady fingers on all our stuff?
因为疯子穿越时光去看首席 Because there's nothing weird about some nutball
一点也不奇怪吗 traveling through time to see Chief?
-对 -八九不离十了 - Yup. - Pretty much, yeah.
我们还有自己的破事要处理呢 记得吗 We've got our own crap to take care of, remember?
我们商量好要找人帮我们收拾残局呢 We agreed to get help with our shit?
-你说真的吗 -你也应该这样 - You were serious about that? - Yup. You should be too.
你该管好你自己的屁事 Well, you should mind your own fucking business.
好吧 你带我去这个秘密报警器那里 Okay, right. You. Take me to this secret alarm.
我想要看一看 I would like to have a look at it.
-我乐意之至 -不行 - I would be happy-- - No.
天呐 God.
天呐 God!
我们走吧 Shall we?
晚点我会回来检查你的工作 Okay. Well, I'll be back to check on your work later.
我不... I'm not...
天呐 God.
首先我的腿开始残废 Well, first, my leg started fucking up.
然后我的双手开始像果冻一样晃抖 Then my hands started shaking like fucking Jell-O.
我以为是给我造身体的那个烂科学家 I thought that it was just shitty craftsmanship
手艺太烂了 by the shitty scientist that built my body.
但是我的哥们钢骨扫描了我 But then my buddy Cyborg scanned my shit and said
说也许是我的大脑坏掉了 it might be my brain that's fucked.
钢骨不算是我的哥们 Cyborg's not really my buddy.
我也不知道我为什么这么说 I don't know why I just said that.
他更像是住在我家小版本的我 He's more like this lesser version of me who lives in my house.
总之 我儿媳妇认为我有帕金森氏症 Anyhoo, my daughter-in-law thinks I might have Parkinson's.
但她不是医生 她是平面设计师 But she's not a doctor. She's a graphic designer.
但你是医生 所以你认为呢 But you're a doctor. So what do you think?
该死的抖音狂人 我没时间搞这些 Goddamn TikTokers. I don't have time for this.
好吧 Okay.
去它的 Fuck it.
妈的 Shit!
搞什么 What the hell?
你又趟了奈尔斯的哪趟浑水 Which of Niles' nonsense are you mixed up in now?
这是时光机 It's a time machine.
出于某种原因 我的任务是把它修好 And for some reason, I've been tasked with fixing it.
而且不是奈尔斯 Also, it's not Niles.
但愿你不是叫我来帮忙的 I hope you didn't ask me here to help.
时光机很极端 需要实验 还很危险 Time travel's fringe, experimental, dangerous.
我知道的几项人体实验 Few human trials that I know of
导致神经系统损伤和失忆 have led to neurological damage and memory loss.
极端 需要实验 Fringe and experimental?
不是先要彻底检查我的身体 As opposed to the body tech
然后再把它放进我体内吗 which was thoroughly vetted before you put it in my body?
我这么做是为了救你的命 I did it to save your life.
如果我没弄错的话 你看起来还挺好的 And if I'm not mistaken, it seems to have worked out okay.
活着和挺好不是一回事 你懂的吧 Alive and okay aren't the same thing. You know that, right?
如果你在如何使用科技产品上做出更好的选择 Maybe you'd have more body positivity
也许你会有更多的身体正能量 if you'd made better choices for how you used your tech--
我没选择把这个东西放进体内 是你决定的 I didn't choose to put this in my body. You did.
到底是怎么回事 维克 What's going on here, Vic?
为什么这么说 Where's this coming from?
我只是一直很好奇罢了 I've just been wondering, is all,
如果有别的选择 if there was another choice,
如果这是唯一能救我的办法 if body tech was the only way to save my life.
那我们来聊聊选择吧 Okay, let's talk about choice.
比如你教唆罗尼·埃弗斯逃避警方调查 Like your choice to abet Roni Evers in evading authorities,
这个选择害我丢了工作 a choice that cost me my job.
什么 What?
严格说来我是暂时停职 Technically, I'm on administrative leave.
-但情况看起来不妙 -但是这不公平 - But it's not looking good. - But that's not fair!
这跟你没有关系 You had nothing to do with.
你用我的尖端科研实验室的科技帮助杀人犯 You used S.T.A.R. Labs tech I designed to help a murderer!
但她不是个坏人 爸爸 But she's not a bad person, Dad!
如果你知道她经历了什么 If you know what she went through,
你会明白她的怨愤从何而来 you'd understand where she's coming from.
她值得第二次机会 所以我放过了她 She deserved a second chance, and I gave her one.
所以就这样了 So that's it?
你对自己的行为一点责任也不负吗 You take zero responsibility for your actions?
我不敢相信竟然会对你如此大失所望 儿子 I can't believe I'd ever feel this disappointed in you, son.
但覆水难收 But here we are.
你知道我为什么要你过来吗 Do you want to know why I asked you over?
两天前我死了 Two days ago, I died.
什么 What?
我去了往生世界 跟妈妈聊天 I went to the afterlife and I talked to Mom.
终于还是发生了 Finally happened.
你在这个鬼地方待得太久 You've been hanging around these nuts so long,
已经失心疯了 you done lost your mind.
不 她告诉我 你本该有其他办法 No. She told me that there was another way
救活我的 you could have saved me.
是吗 我真想知道是什么办法 Yeah. And I want to know what it was.
到底有没有其他方案 Was there another way or not?
我们当时开发了一套 We had, uh, developed a prototype
合成皮肤的原型 for synthetic skin.
天哪 Oh, God.
我本可以有正常的样貌 So, I could've looked normal.
-但是那些材料还在 -初步试验阶段 - It was still very-- - Experimental.
跟我身上的计算机技术一样吗 Like the cyber tech?
就是这个原因 Just like this?
你为什么这样对我 Why would you do this to me?
你不敢做人类实验 You couldn't do human trials,
所以利用自己的儿子 so you used your own son
做了试验小白鼠吗 as a guinea pig?
是不是 Is that what this is?
我没法一直给你解释 I cannot keep explaining myself.
你是不能还是不愿意 You can't or you won't?
我做的一切都只是为了保护你 Everything I did was to protect you.
我不在乎你听到什么 跟谁聊天 I don't care what you hear or who you talk to.
这都不会改变我的初衷 It won't change that.
我为室友不够热情的欢迎来跟你道歉 I must apologize for my housemates' less-than-warm welcome.
他们每个人都试着摆脱奈尔斯·考尔德的阴影 It's just, most of them are trying to move on from Niles Caulder,
所以一个总是提起他的神秘陌生人 so a mysterious stranger dredging him back up
可能对他们产生了一点刺激 was probably a bit triggering.
是吗 为什么 Oh, yeah? Why is that?
他是个坏人吗 Was he a bad man?
对 Yes.
也不对 And no.
他很复杂 He was a complicated person.
我们不都很复杂吗 Yes. Well, aren't we all?
该死的 Oh, shitting hell!
或许来这里一点意义都没有 Perhaps it was completely pointless coming here.
你在不知道自己该找什么的情况下 Well, how can you possibly know what to look for
怎么去找那件你想要的东西呢 when you don't know what you're looking for?
脑子会忘事 心不会 Well, the mind may forget, but the gut may not.
它就像是大象的身体 It is the elephant of the body,
它告诉我我要找到什么东西 and it will tell me when I am onto something.
我突然发现 不知道怎么称呼你 It just occurred to me that I... I don't know what to call you.
我也是 Well, that makes two of us.
香农如何 What about Shannon?
我一直很喜欢这个名字 I have always liked that name.
好吧 那就叫香农 Very well, Shannon it is.
你怎么不告诉我你的名字呢 Why don't you tell me, um, what your name is?
丽塔 丽塔·法尔 It's Rita. Rita Farr.
好的 丽塔 Ah, well, Rita.
我不知道你为什么像黑腿虱子一样 I don't know why you have attached yourself to me
一直粘着我 like a black-legged tick,
但这令我分心和感到厌烦 but it is distracting and quite bothersome.
我不是故意要这么不友好 但你真的很烦 And I don't mean to be unkind, but it's really annoying!
我并不是有意要粘着你的 Oh, I didn't mean to be any of those things.
你有问题要问我吗 Do you have a question for me,
还是你需要做个什么整体全面的分析 or is your neediness some kind of holistic condition?
其实我是有问题想问你 Actually, I do.
你看我眼熟吗 Do I look at all familiar to you?
我身体里的大象 My body elephant
有非常强烈的感觉 has the strongest feeling
你我是相识的 that we know each other.
我看谁都不熟 甚至包括我自己 No one looks familiar to me, not even me.
你不知道记忆遗失的病症吗 Or do you... Do you not know how amnesia works?
或许你可以认真盯着我看上一分钟 Maybe try taking a nice long look at me for a minute.
或许能让你想起点什么呢 Maybe it'll help jog something loose. Hmm?
你脸上有脏东西 Oh, you got schmutz on your face there.
找到了 Hot dog!
好了 Okay.
就是这个 That's the stuff.
你在干什么 Whatcha doing?
玩飞盘高尔夫呗 看不出来吗 蠢货 Playing Frisbee golf. What does it look like, dipshit?
感觉你在搞令人毛骨悚然的鲍勃·罗斯粉丝画 Like you're making creepy Bob Ross fan art.
你让我感觉奇差 You made me feel like shit
因为你没遵循我们愚蠢的协定 for not honoring our stupid pact or whatever,
所以我试图从我的伤痛中探索出什么 so I tried making something out of my pain,
就像奶奶告诉我的那样 like Abuelita told me to.
但不管用 But it didn't work.
现在我觉得自己比之前还要混蛋 And now I feel like an even bigger dick,
所以我要嗨一把 然后把这玩意烧了 so I'm going to get high as fuck and then light it on fire.
-要看吗 -绝对要看 - Wanna watch? - Definitely.
不过在你把打开打火机之前 Only... maybe before you flick your Bic,
你也许 我不知道 想跟变态鲍勃·罗斯谈谈 you might wanna, I don't know, try talking to creepy Bob Ross.
-谈什么 -你想谈的事 - About what? - Whatever you want.
或许可以说点他死之前你没来及说的话 Maybe saying some shit you didn't get to before he died
也让你自己能画个句号 will give you some closure.
谁附体让你变成菲尔医生了 Who crawled up your ass and made you Dr. Phil?
我在往生世界 去骂了我的混蛋老爸 When we were in the afterlife, I got to tell off my asshole dad,
感觉棒极了 and it felt awesome!
我人生十大最精彩时刻 或是往生十大 I'm talking top ten best moments of my life, or afterlife.
本来还挺不错的 At least it was great
直到他把自己年度最佳爷爷的头衔拿来压我 till he shoved his "Grandpa of the Year" mug up my butt.
不是字面意思 Not literally.
我还让奈尔斯去舔逼 And I got to tell Niles to suck a bucket of vaginas,
这也可以列入我的人生十大 which also squeaks into my top ten.
等等 那是何时的事情 Wait, when did that happen?
可能就是他死后不久吧 Probably about, ooh, sometime after he died.
他变成了鬼魂 想让我烧了他的尸体 He was a ghost, and he wanted me to burn his body
这样他的灵魂就能安息了 so his soul could be at peace.
我没有那样做 他去死吧 But I didn't do it because fuck him.
我本来可以跟他聊聊的 So I could've talked to him?
我就是这个意思 现在也可以 That's what I'm saying! You still can.
抱歉会以这样的方式结束 老伙计 I'm sorry it has to end this way, old friends.
我觉得你在外面会过得很好的 I'd like to think you'll do well out here.
但我猜 你在我死后一周就会死 But my guess is, you'll be dead a week after I am.
拉瑞 我遇到了危机 需要倾听的耳朵 I'm in crisis, Larry, and I need a sympathetic ear.
现在时间不太好 行吗 Uh, not really a good time, okay?
我在科兹威尔见到了另一个我自己 There was another me at Codsville.
什么意思 How do you mean?
还有一个我存在 除了现在的我以外 I mean, there was another me. As in, instead of just one of me,
还有一个我 there were two.
就在那个可怕的红色外星人开枪后 It happened right after that
我突然看到了另一个我自己 ghastly red creature started shooting.
我本来能逃走 但她把我推回了大厅里 I almost escaped, when "she" shoved me back into the lounge.
更可怕的 是她穿的那套飞行服 What's more is, she was wearing the exact same flight suit
跟我在香农的时光机里找到的一模一样 I found in Shannon's time machine.
-香农是谁 -那个神秘的时光穿梭者 - Who's Shannon? - Our mysterious time traveler.
我们现在就这么称呼她 It's what we're calling her now.
她记起自己的名字了 She remembered her name?
不 我们就这样叫她就好了 No. It's just what we're calling her.
拉瑞 拜托你抓住重点 Please, Larry, try to stay focused.
如果那还不够的话 And if that weren't enough,
我在往生世界还遇到了一个奇怪的生物 there's that strange creature in the afterlife
他不但认识我 还好像喜欢我 who not only seemed to know me, but to like me.
但是我不但得不到任何回答 But I couldn't get any answers
香农对我的态度也极其无理 or even a little common courtesy out of Shannon,
所以我只好一个人在这里拼拼图 so I am left to put the pieces together on my own.
但这一切意味着什么 But what does it all mean?
这两件事跟我又没有关系 I mean, the two seem unrelated to me.
拉瑞 Larry...
我万一是个世界著名的时间旅行者呢 What if I'm a world-renowned time traveler?
听着 Uh, look,
我们经历完这一堆奇怪的事情以后 after all the weird crap we've been through,
我愿意相信你是个时间旅行者 I can buy the time traveler piece.
但是世界著名的是从何而来 But where do you get "world-renowned"?
因为我是世界已知唯二旅行者的其中之一 Since I am one of two known time travelers,
谁都可以看出我的地位提高了 one could extrapolate my elevated status.
或者你是想从自己身上找一点 Or maybe you're trying to find
其实并不存在的特殊性 some specialness inside you that isn't really there.
你怎么能这么对我说话 Now, how could you say that to me?
我要死了 丽塔 I'm dying, Rita.
-又要死 -对 - Again? - Yeah.
怎么回事 What's happening?
我一早上一直在吐蓝色的液体 I've been puking up blue crap all morning.
我又没吃东西或喝东西 Since I don't eat or drink,
我觉得那是不好的征兆 I don't think that's a good sign.
拉瑞 Oh, Larry.
显然 没有魂魄的生命是有限的 Yeah, apparently, life without the spirit has its limits.
所以他才带我去了太空 I think that's why he brought me into space,
让我最后再一次看看银河 so I could see it one last time.
随便吧 Anyway.
我太爱你了 在我人生的最后 我要对你诚实 I love you too much to not be honest during my last days.
你听我说 拉瑞·崔纳 Now, you see here, Larry Trainor, I...
你的绷带上是什么 What's on your bandages?
这是什么鬼东西 What fresh hell is this? Oh!
你闻起来味道真好 You know, you... smell delicious.
你在口袋里装了火腿吗 Do you have ham in your pocket or something?
我不记得有 没有 Um, not that I'm aware of, no.
你刚才是舔了我一下吗 Uh... Did, um... Did you just lick me?
我也不知道 Oh, I... I have no idea.
达达姐妹奉上 The sisterhood of dada, presents.
想不起来 Doesn't ring a bell.
女子撸猫 "Woman petting cat."
雪莱·拜伦饰演女人 劳拉·德米尔饰演猫 Shelley Byron as woman, Laura De Mille as cat.
没印象 Not a flicker.
拉瑞 Larry!
丽塔 Rita...
我身体的大象 My body elephant!
我告诉你 I'm telling you,
可能是那个疯狂蜘蛛女的呕吐物作祟 this is that crazy spider lady's puke or something.
像诅咒一样 It's like a curse!
保佑你 我他妈 Bless you. Oh, my fuck!
我感觉很糟 I don't feel so good.
你看着也挺糟的 You don't look great either.
简 简 Jane? Jane?
大家 Everybody...
大家快来 我知道自己是谁了 Everybody, come, I know who I am!
我是只鸟 I'm a bird!
我想我会飞 And I can fly... I think.
脑子 Brains!
脑子 Brains?
你们这群疯逼这次又怎么了 What happened to you morons this time?
脑子 Brains.
是你把这些蠢货变成丧尸的吗 Are you the one who zombified these tits?
我不知道 但我也不确定 I don't think so. I couldn't swear to it, though.
她是谁 Who's she?
一个时间旅行者
在找奈尔斯 但想不起原因
她叫香农
她记起自己的名字了
不是 我们就这样称呼她
好吧 谁告诉我一下这里发生什么事了 Okay. Um, could somebody tell me what's going on here?
-因为我 -你们怎么了 - 'Cause I'm... - What happened to you lot?
我们被一个绿皮混蛋的红皮仆人杀死
一个可怕的蜘蛛女吐了我们一身
然后两个死孩子带我们回到现世
现在我们他妈变丧尸了
能救救我们吗
当然 我需要一把斧子 一升汽油 一盒火柴 Sure thing. I need an axe, gallon of petrol and a match.
你要磕头并烧掉我们的尸体吗
一次搞定 Got it in one, Bubba Ho-tep.
对了你看起来很糟
谁把你搞成这样子
给我找个录像机 一切就都解释清楚了 Find me a VCR in this pit, and all will be explained.
脑子 Brains.
那是奈尔斯·考尔德的头吗 Is that Niles Caulder?
差不多吧 比你想的要小 对吧 More or less. Shorter than you imagined, I bet.
你真有意思 You're funny.
你们嗑嗨了吗
听着 疯子们 我拿着你们死去领队的头 Listen up, freaks. I got your dead leader's head.
那又怎么样
想要回头 就来找我 If you want it back, you'll come and see me.
别让我等太久 But don't keep me waiting
不然我就要他好看 or I will make him pay for it!
死人的头有什么好折磨的
谁在乎 奈尔斯和达伦·琼斯去死吧 头留给他
别听他的 别过来 自己救自己吧 Don't do it. Don't come here. Save yourselves!
闭嘴 Shut up!
晚点见了 I'll see you real soon.
这个美国兵怎么会拿到首席的头
你为什么给他当信使
我先拿到了奈尔斯的头 I had Niles' head first.
达伦把它偷走了 还拿了我的外套 Darren stole it off me. Took my coat too.
你把首席斩首了
你他妈是个怪物
你们这群丧尸冷静点吧 Calm your festering arses down.
你知道有多少神秘的知识 Do you know how much arcane mystical knowledge
掌握在那个男人的脑中吗 is swimming around in that man's noodle?
我拿着比其他人拿着安全 Better I have it than some other crazy bastard.
好吧 Oh, right.
-你偷了他的头是为了保护他 -没错 - So you pilfered it in order to protect it? - That's right.
不是因为其价值巨大能卖个好价钱 Not because its inherent magical value would fetch a fine price?
抱歉 你他妈又是谁 I'm sorry, who the fuck are you again?
一只鸟 我的名字叫劳拉·德米尔 I'm a bird. And my name is Laura De Mille.
那个头可能是解锁我记忆的关键钥匙 And that head may be the key to unlocking my memory,
我们得拯救他 so we have to rescue it.
我同意这个不知道名字的女士的话
不能让达伦折磨首席
但达伦想报仇 我们毁了常态保护局
你有计划吗 还是让我们知险犯险
我本来有个计划的 I did have a plan.
特别好的计划 A bloody good one.
但跟以往一样 你们这些蠢货 But as per usual, your dumbfuckery
又给我来了一出 还变成了丧尸 jammed a spanner up my arse and now you're zombies.
我他妈就觉得奇怪 让你们别搞翻自己 Is it too much to ask for you twats
真他妈的这么难吗 not to fuck yourselves up so spectacularly?
我可能有个主意 Well, I may have an idea there.
我们只需留住这群不死之身 We just need to keep this undead brood
用我们的脑子吸引他们去打架 from feasting on our brains till we put it into action.
没问题 亲爱的 Got it covered, love.
这是詹姆斯·迪恩死的那晚他车里的东西 This was in James Dean's car the night he bit it.
能够盖住脑子的味道 It covers the smell of brains.
然后 帽子呢 And the, um... And the hats?
让我们的头保暖 没有大衣会很冷的 Keep our heads warm. It's cold without my coat.
走吧 Come on.
看呀你们 美味的脑子 Look, you muppets. Delicious brains.
-好吃好吃 -脑子 - Yummy, yummy. - Brains!
脑子 Brains!
这里让我感到不安
真的
像是一群人走进恐怖电影
然后怪物就是我们
我不认识你 Look, I don't know you.
我也不知道计划能不能实现 And I'm not sure this plan's going to work.
但管他的 给你 But fuck it. Here.
一定要非常小心才行 Be very careful with that.
是石化龙的尿 It's petrified dragon's piss.
大多数人担心的是火 Most people worry about the fire,
其实致命的是龙尿 but it's the piss that'll get you.
会把他的头像气球那样打爆 Should pop his head like a balloon.
目的地的另一边见吧 See you on the other side.
这边 所罗门·格兰迪们 This way, Solomons Grundy.
感觉没人在乎该给我孙子留几棵树
都是一样的
是他妻子写的
她带走了孩子们
他不是拿叉子叉她眼睛了吗
重复了很多次
亲爱的衣服在这里 There you are, my beauty.
他写了一本连环杀手日记 He kept a serial killer diary.
我觉得我闻到了恶心的味道 I thought I smelled abominations.
脑子吗 Brains?
没闻到 有点不对劲
真高兴看到你们这些混蛋在这里 I'm so glad you sons of bitches are here.
我有个精彩的故事要告诉你们 I got one hell of a tale to tell you.
一个站在世界顶端的男人 It's about a man who was on top of the world...
他什么都有 事业 He had it all. A career,
美丽的妻子和孩子们 a beautiful wife and children,
一个会让玛莎·斯图尔特 a home that would make Martha Stewart
嫉妒得要命的房子 shit through her mouth with jealousy.
我觉得不存在那种东西
不存在那种东西的说辞已经不存在了
闭嘴 混球们 Shut up, freaks!
你们毁了我的生活 都给我好好听着 You destroyed my life, and God damn it, you will listen to me!
好吧 这很好 Okay, this is... This is good.
有任务 有计划 You've a mission and a plan, and...
你是一只鸟 And you're a bird.
你已经了解了自己的那么多事 So you've learned so much about yourself already,
马上就要想起来了 you are almost there.
你得飞到那里 You are going to, uh, fly down there
你应该做过很多次类似的动作吧 like you have surely done a thousand times before
把这个有魔法的 and, uh, place this magical,
恶心的小玩意 disgusting doodad thing
扔到那个变态的头上 on that psychopath's head.
好的 Okay.
变形 Transform!
你们或许没有仔细想过 You probably haven't thought
就贸然来了蚂蚁农场 twice about your little visit to the Ant Farm,
但那以后它每天每秒都折磨着我 but it has haunted me every second of every day since.
你们知不知道 Do you have any idea
被几百个屁股攻击的感觉 what it's like to be attacked by hundreds of butts,
他们撕裂你的每寸肌肤 who tear into every inch of your flesh,
然后晚饭的时候 and then later, at dinner,
在教堂的时候 at church,
跟我女儿玩游戏的时候 at my daughter's softball game,
就会发生一些不好的事 something happens.
然后你妻子说她再也受不了了 And then your wife tells you she can't stand you,
你已经不是一个男人了 that you're not even a man anymore.
别他妈废话 快把头给我们
-什么 -她想看到头 - I'm sorry, what? - She wants to see the head.
天哪 你们到底怎么了 My God, what's happened to you?
他们是丧尸 蠢货 They're zombies, you berk.
变形 Transform!
变 该死 变形 Trans... Damn you! Damn it. Trans...
什么鬼
妈的 废物 Fuck me, it's a dud.
我搞不明白 她不是鸟吗
我他妈非得狠狠折磨死你们 I am gonna kill you all so fucking hard!
滚远点吧 你本来就要那样做 Fuck off hard. You were gonna try that anyway.
去他妈的
给他再增加个新菊花吧
我没变丧尸的时候不会说这么难听的话
我讲故事的时候 You know, usually when I tell that story
每次讲到会有事发生的部分 right when I come to the "Something happens" part,
总有人会问我妻子为什么离开 somebody usually asks me what made my wife leave.
拜托 Come on!
妈的 发生了什么 Eh, fuck it. What happened?
我真高兴你问了 I'm so glad you asked.
他是要变成一个
一个诡异到吐的屁股吗
我草他妈的 Good shitting Christ,
我们早他妈过了看《爱丽丝镜中奇遇》的年纪 we're all the way through the looking glass now.
感觉不是什么好声音
该死 Shit!
怎么才能阻止他们
张嘴吧
别管屁股和丧尸了 Ignore the butts. Ignore the, um... The zombies.
你是来拿头的 头 必须拿到头 You're here for the head. The head. And you will get the head.
没有失败一说 只有死亡 There is no failure, only death.
姐妹 今天可不能死 And you will not die today, sister!
去死吧 混蛋们 Fuck you, asshole!
该死 Fuck!
我的天 太可怕了
别担心 翠迪 Don't worry, Tweety.
你会享受到天堂七分钟的 You'll get your seven minutes in heaven.
脑子 Brains!
快走 Leg it.
那他们 Hey, what about...
怎么办 ...them?
-去死吧 -什么 - Fuck 'em. - What?
等等 我可以救他们 Wait, I can save them.
你这个人情味重的家伙 You bleeding heart bastard.
现在是切断脐带的最佳时机 Now's as good a time as any to cut the cord.
像你对我女儿那样吗 Like you did with my daughter?
你这个敏感的傻子 Damn, you sentimental fool.
好吧 华特·迪士尼 你有什么计划 All right, Walt Disney, what's the plan?
多年前我发现 丧尸想吃人类的大脑 Years ago, I discovered that zombies crave human brains
因为大脑会产生一种罕见的化学物质 because the brain produces a rare chemical
可以治愈丧尸的痛苦 that can actually cure the affliction.
不幸的是 电影制作人歪曲了真相 Unfortunately, the truth was bastardized by filmmakers
他们认为这有利于电影氛围营造 who believed it made for better cinema.
谢谢你给我上历史课 但我在巴黎的头头 Thanks for the history lesson, but my head guy in Paris
现在不接我电话 所以我也不知道 isn't taking my calls at the moment, so I have no idea on--
你想让我把你喂给那群白痴吗 You want me to feed you to that pack of morons?
他们是我的家人 They're my family.
我只剩下这些留给他们了 It's all I have left to give them.
好吧 事实上 Fine. Thing of it is...
我觉得我做不到 I don't think I can.
那好吧 Um, well, that's okay,
我来处理这件事 I'll... I'll take care of him.
我们也有过不错的时光 对吧 We've had some times, haven't we?
最棒的时光 The best of them.
再见 你这个留着胡子的蠢货 So long, you bearded twat.
希望他们吃你的时候噎死 Hope they choke on you.
再见 威洛比 Goodbye, Willoughby.
鲍芙默真的爱过你 Baphomet really does love you.
别让她窒息了 Stop trying to smother her.
考尔德先生 Mr. Caulder,
抱歉在这个时候我还要 I am so sorry to ask anything of you
向你提点要求 at a time like this,
但我的确急需一些东西 but I am in some need.
我知道自己叫劳拉·德米尔 I know my name is Laura De Mille,
我和达达姐妹会有一些联系 and that I am associated with the Sisterhood of Dada
我可以变成一只鸟 一个搁脚凳 and that I am a bird and an ottoman.
我知道的另一件事 The only other thing
就是我必须要找到你 that I am aware of is that I need to find you,
但我不知道为什么 but I have no idea why.
-你认识我吗 -认识 - Do you know me? - I know you.
非常熟悉 All too well, I'm afraid.
我明白了 Oh, I see.
我想我们关系不太好吧 Well, I gather we weren't on friendly terms, then?
你能告诉我原因吗 Can you tell me why?
-不能 -不能 - No. - No?
你听到了 You heard me.
没错 我听到了 Yes, I... I heard you.
-为什么 -我跟你做个交易 - But why? - I'll make you a deal.
我有关于你的资料 I have documents with information about you.
向我保证 在你把我的头喂给他们后 Give me your word that after you feed my head to my people,
你要远离他们 you'll stay the hell away from them,
我就告诉你这些文件在哪里 and I'll tell you where the documents are.
我肯定是疯了才会相信你吧 Though I must be out of my mind to trust you.
我真不明白你为什么对我这么凶 You know, I do not understand why you have so much venom for me.
我不是个坏人 I'm not a bad person.
对吧 Am I?
我感觉自己不是 I don't feel like I'm a bad person.
这种感觉不可能 Surely that's not the kind
像抹去记忆一样被清除吧 of thing that can be erased with one's memory.
行为会在灵魂上留下不可磨灭的印记 Deeds have a way of leaving indelible marks on the soul.
你同意不同意 Do you agree or not?
脑子 Brains!
简 Oh, Jane.
我亲爱的简 My dear, dear Jane.
我还有那么多想对你说的话
你的脑子味道太好闻了
没关系 我爱你 简 It's okay. I love you, Jane.
我希望你吃了我 I want you to eat me.
吃了我 Eat me.
吃了 Eat--
我们现在 So, are we, like,
变汉尼拔了吗 cannibals now?
-你他妈闭嘴 -别说话 - Shut the fuck up. - Don't.
既然我身体99.99%都是金属 Technically, since 99.99999% of my body is metal,
我得吃一辆别克云雀才能成为汉尼拔 I'd have to eat a Buick Skylark to be a cannibal.
-拜托 -别说汉尼拔了行吗 - Come on, man. - Stop saying that word.
请你赶紧闭嘴 Please stop talking.
有人能好心告诉我一下味道吗 Will someone at least tell me what it tasted like?
-你够了 -我会 - Enough already. - I will
像踩装满果冻的气球一样踩你的脑子 stomp your brain like a jelly-filled balloon.
我会这么说 I will say this.
成为丧尸的好处之一 The one upside to being a zombie
是我唯一在意的就是找到脑子 was the only thing I worried about was finding brains.
有种 不知道怎么说 宁静的感觉 It was sort of, I don't know, peaceful.
大家是这样觉得吗 Anyone feel like that?
好了 反正我是抛砖引玉 Okay, just throwing it out there.
常态保护局备忘录 人物:劳拉·德米尔
1949年2月9日
劳拉·德米尔是一个不忠的 "Laura De Mille is a disloyal
需要被切除的自私自利的社会癌症 and self-serving cancer to be excised.
我强烈建议 It is my strong recommendation
立即处决她 that she be terminated immediately."
奉上最诚意的问候 奈尔斯·考尔德
吃了我 "Eat me."
吃了我 "Eat me!"
症状清单
菲尔网上药店
那是什么 What's this?
网上药店 Online pharmacy?
不需要处方 No prescription necessary.
太棒了 Fuck yeah!
现在下单
订单确认
什么鬼 What the hell?
天啊 My God!
天啊 God!
该死 Oh, shit.
你跟奈尔斯怎么样 So, what happened with Niles?
他给你你找寻的答案了吗 Did he give you the answers you were looking for?
你很快会离开吗 Will you be leaving us soon?
你听着 Ugh, now see here, you.
你是我们家的客人 You are a guest in our home.
尽管你帮忙救了我们 And though you did help save our bacon...
但你还是没权利忽略我的问题 it doesn't give you the right to ignore my questions.
我们彼此认识 我很确定 We know each other. I am certain of it and...
或许现在时机不太好 Perhaps this isn't a good time.
我刚做了些燕麦饼干 I just made some oatmeal cookies.
你要吃一块吗 Would you like one?
那可太好了 That would be nice.
谢谢 Thank you.
脑子 Brains!