前情提要 Previously on...
大卫 洗手间在这里吗 Hey, Dave, is that the bathroom?
不 应该在那边 No. I think that's it there.
谢谢 Oh, okay. Thanks.
大卫试图诬陷证人为凶手 Dave tried to eliminate a witness to murder.
杰克逊却死里逃生 Hey! Uhh! But Jackson survived...
我给M.J.买了鱼竿 恐怕这周不能去了 I bought M.J. A fishing pole. We're not gonna be able to make it this weekend.
我要结婚了 什么 I'm kind of getting married. What?
我一下就听出你的声音了 杰克逊 I thought I heard you out here. Jackson.
他不得不另做打算 Forcing him to change his plans.
我不年轻了 I'm a middle-aged guy...
汤姆深感迷茫 Tom was searching.
我不知未来的人生之路如何寻觅 And I don't know what I wanna do with my life.
我们又有钱了 哈雷路亚 We're rich again! Hallelujah!
加布重回富人行列 Gaby's life returned to normal.
我们又会像从前那样风光 We're gonna be us again... The old Carlos and Gaby.
我保证你毫无损失 I'm gonna make sure that you walk away from this marriage
包括你的公司和财产 为了做到这一点 with your assets intact. Now to accomplish this...
布里同意保护本属于自己的财产 And Bree agreed to protect what she felt was hers.
一切都听您部署 I'm capable of doing whatever needs to be done.
夕阳斜下 律师现身 The lawyer arrived just after sundown.
他确定没人跟踪他 He checked to make sure no one was watching,
便很快来到门前 then he hurried to the front door...
他的客户 等候已久 Where his client was waiting.
为他斟上美酒之后 As she poured him the scotch he requested,
客户便开始咨询 the client began to wonder
他将如何保护她的财产 exactly how he planned to hide her assets
不受到离婚影响而缩水 from the husband she was divorcing.
律师提出伪造账目 The lawyer suggested some creative accounting.
客户表示同意 His client agreed.
他建议做秘帐 He suggest a secret bank account.
她点头赞成 She agreed.
当他叙述备选方案时 He suggested a second set of books.
她表示应允 She agreed.
随后律师注视她眼神深处 And then the lawyer looked deep into his client's eyes
作了最后的一个提议 and made one final suggestion...
大大出乎她的意料 That she was completely unprepared for.
你要我抢劫我的自己家 You want me to Rob my own house?!
不完全是 我想请我的朋友汤尼来办 当然不行 Not exactly. I was thinking we'd hire my friend Tony to do it. Absolutely not.
我已经同意做假账 I am all up for a little creative accounting
甚至做秘帐 and some secret bank accounts,
何必要再请小丑来假装入室 but hiring some thug to stage a break-in?
夫妻共有财产的分配是这个国家的法律 It's a community property state, babe.
奥森会拥有一半财产 Orson's going to get half of everything,
包括你的珠宝 你的艺术品 还有古董 including your jewelry, your artwork, your antiques.
这么说干掉他会简单很多 Wouldn't it be easier to just have him killed?
作为一个律师 我不赞成这么做 As your lawyer, I can't condone that.
不过我有一个表弟 我是开玩笑的 That said, I have a cousin... I was kidding!
我也是啊 放松点 小可爱 So was I. Loosen up, freckles.
我太不了解你了 Well, I just never know with you.
还有别叫得这么肉麻 And don't call me "freckles."
如果你不放心汤尼办事 Look, if you're not comfortable with Tony,
我们也可以自己来啊 why don't we do the job ourselves?
我打赌你带上面具一定性感极了 I bet you'd look hot in a ski mask.
可恶 谈话就到此为止吧 You are repugnant, and this conversation is over.
好吧 不过基于我是按小时收费 Fine, but since I'm charging you for the full hour,
为了让你觉得服务超值 闭眼坐下 听我道来 什么 我不要 let me make it worth your while. Sit down and close your eyes. What? No!
来吧 逗我笑笑 Just humor me. Come on.
现在想象离婚后的奥森 Now I want you to picture Orson after the divorce.
拥有你一半的事业和资产 He owns half of your business, half of your assets.
能想像吗 You see it?
继续 Go on.
现在想一想他和一个骚娘们约会 Now I want you to picture Orson dating some young bimbo.
大胆去想吧 And don't kid yourself.
他会找一个骚娘们的 He will get a bimbo.
好 现在你最爱的珍珠项链 Now picture your favorite strand of pearls
在一个24岁骚货的乳沟之间摆动 dangling in the 24-year-old cleavage of said bimbo
她将你罗伯特 弗洛斯特的首版诗集 while she is using
用来当杯托 your first edition Robert frost as a coaster...
把你19世纪的法国水晶作烟灰缸 And your 19th century French crystal vase as an ashtray.
如果你能忍受这些 我就放手 If you can live with that... I will leave.
于是 And with that,
该客户终于下了决心 the client offered a suggestion of her own...
如果破窗而入 现场才更真实 We should probably break a window to make it look more real.
律师同意了 And the lawyer agreed.
面具 每家每户都能找到 Masks... You can find them in any home.
有为增加节日气氛 吓唬邻居的 Some are used once a year to scare the neighbors...
有的做家务时 能保护我们 Some are needed for the occasional chore.
有的在周末前 能帮我们修护肌肤 Some are applied every other Thursday.
而有一种面具 Then there's the kind of mask
有些人每天都会戴着 some men wear every day.
那就是示好的微笑 It's a friendly smile
它被用以掩饰邪恶的阴谋 designed to hide the most wicked of intentions.
M.J你妈妈在家吗 Hey, M.J., is your mom home?
她和杰克逊在家里聊天 She's inside talking to Jackson.
是吗 Really?
你觉得杰克逊人怎么样 So... what do you think of Jackson?
我喜欢他 他常给我买连环画 I like him. He buys me comic books.
是啊 他是个好人 Yeah, he's a good guy.
他在酒吧起火那晚 He was very brave that night
表现得很英勇 during that fire at the nightclub.
他跟你提过火灾吗 Does he ever talk about that fire...
提过那晚看到什么人吗 Or anybody he saw that night?
警察来问过话了吗 Have the police stopped by to ask him any questions?
如果他们来了 告诉我 为什么 If they do, would you let me know? Why?
我要保证他们 对杰克逊的态度是友善的 Well... I wanna make sure they're being nice to our friend Jackson,
他可是个好人 'cause he's such a good guy.
多漂亮的花瓶啊 It is such a stunning piece.
简约 优雅 你不觉得吗 It's simple and elegant. Don't you think?
我知道很贵 I mean, I know it was expensive,
但美丽是不能用价格衡量的 对不对 but you can't put a price tag on beauty. Am I right?
要被是你老爸发现了 So when daddy finds out how much I spent,
你能不能帮我挡挡 would it be okay if I used you as a human shield?
应该先试试你才行 You know, I should really get you tested.
妈 今天和希瑟玩得好吗 Mom? Hey! Did you have a fun playdate with Heather?
她有个四柱顶蓬床 我也想要一个 She's got a canopy bed. I want one.
我们才给你买了新床 一年还不到呢 We just bought you a bed. It's not even a year old.
我不喜欢了 我想要在天蓬下睡觉 I don't like it anymore. I wanna sleep under a canopy.
那你去和希瑟一起去住吧 因为我不会给你买 Then go move in with Heather, 'cause I'm not getting you one.
为什么不行 我们有钱啊 Why not? We're rich.
谁跟你说的 我听见你和布里阿姨说话了 Who told you that? I heard you telling aunt Bree,
爸爸有了新工作 我们就能日进斗金 since daddy got his new job, we're rolling in money.
妈妈不应该这么说 Well, mommy shouldn't have said that.
但布里阿姨显摆她的普拉达包包 妈咪就有点忍不住了 Just, when aunt Bree started bragging about her Prada bag,
妈妈把它弄丢了 mommy kind of lost it.
不管啦 我想要天蓬床 你必须给我买一个 Whatever. I want a canopy, and you gotta get me one.
我没必要满足你任何要求 I don't have to get you anything.
别像个宠坏的小孩似的 And stop acting like a spoiled brat.
我才不花钱去买没必要买的床 I am not spending a fortune on a bed you don't need.
那你自己就能掷千金购入白痴的花瓶 Oh, but you can spend millions of dollars on a stupid vase?
这花瓶才不白痴呢 That vase is not stupid.
是不是很丑很白痴 Is that vase stupid?
谈话结束 回房间去 Okay, you know what? This conversation is over. Go to your room!
你也回去 点头娃娃 You, too, bobblehead.
好 我的衣服都在衣柜里了 Okay, my clothes are in the closet.
我现在把牙刷放到浴室去 I'm going to put my toothbrush in the bathroom.
只要把马桶坐垫立着 移民局的人就会相信咱们结婚了 Oh, just leave the toilet seat up, and the immigration people will totally think we're married.
我不知道怎么感谢你为我做这么多 Yeah, I don't know how I'm gonna thank you for doing this.
我想出一件你能回报我的事情 Actually, I did think of one way you could repay me.
没问题 不 不是这种 Mmm. You got it. Uh, no. Not like that.
我只是想 我们仪式完了之后 No, I was thinking that after our quickie courthouse ceremony,
你可以给我买个蛋糕 you could buy me a cake.
我喜欢结婚蛋糕 I love wedding cake.
漂亮的蛋糕是每场婚礼必备的 It's the one part of marriage that never lets you down.
我能做的更好 Well, I can do you better than that.
不然我们搞个订婚聚会 什么 How about I throw us a big engagement party? What?
我们没举行结婚 Well, we're not having a wedding,
我们也需要一些照片 and we're gonna need pictures of something
整理成相册 作为证据 to put in our photo album as evidence.
我猜一定很有意思 Okay. Yeah, I guess that could be fun.
当朋友们举杯祝咱们天长地久的时候 While our friends are toasting to our everlasting happiness,
我们就喊出来 给你个惊喜 都是假的 we can yell, "surprise! It's all a sham!
谢谢你的炖锅 Thanks for the crock-pot!"
不不 我们不能告诉任何人这是假的 No, no, no. We can't tell anybody this is a fake.
所有事情会搞砸的 The whole thing could blow up.
能告诉我姐们吗 当然不行 长舌妇会来真的(Gabby暗指多嘴) Can't I at least tell the girls? No way. I mean, they don't call her "Gabby" for nothing.
假结婚还真是复杂啊 Wow. Ah, fake marriages... They're complicated.
我知道我要求太多了 苏珊 I-I-I know I'm asking a lot, Susan.
不 没事 我想帮你 No, no. It's okay. I wanna do this.
事实上 我也很想你 Truth is... I miss you,
自从你离开之后 房子一直都很空 and the house has been kinda lonely since you left.
我听见了 Well, I hear you loud and clear.
不是这个意思 Not that lonely.
你在这干什么 沉思 What are you doing? Thinking.
到屋里沉思吧 我做了猪排 Well, think inside. I made porkchops.
你不想问问我面试如何吗 Aren't you gonna ask me about my job interview?
好 情况怎样 Oh, right. How'd that go?
很好 直到一个30岁的面试官问我 Okay... until the 30-year-old who was interviewing me asked me
是否用过Twitter来作为市场营销的战略 if I'd ever used twittering as part of a marketing campaign.
那你说什么 And what'd you say?
无话可说 因为我什么都不知道 Nothing... Because I don't know what "twittering" is.
这是社交互联工具 你可以发送即时信息 It's a social networking tool where you send instant updates
给所有登陆注册的人 to anybody who signs up for them.
你知道这个 还藏着没告诉我 So... you knew about this, and yet you kept it from me?
我没有不告诉你 I didn't keep it from you.
只是一些科技产品 你不太在意而已 It's just one of those tech things that you don't care about.
年轻人用的 It's for young people.
反正我就是落伍 And I am a dinosaur marching into the tar pit.
我可没这么说 I didn't say that.
咱们同命相怜 You're not gonna get a whole lot of sympathy from me.
我也经历一样的事情 记得吗 I just went through the same thing. Remember?
你没说这有多糟 Yeah, but you didn't tell me how bad it was.
这件事你也没跟我说 That's another thing you kept from me.
50个人来抢这个职位 50 guys showed up for that one job,
我要比他们任何一个人都老10岁 and I was 10 years older than every single one of 'em.
我离开房间 我能听见他们在议论 I could hear 'em twittering as I left the room.
我想 你是想说偷笑你吧 I think you mean "tittering."
抱歉 别揍我 Sorry. Please, don't hit me.
我今天感到一扇大门向我关上了 勒奈特 I heard a door slam shut today, Lynette.
是真的 我的时代已经过去了 It's official. My time has passed.
我跟这时代完全没关系了 I am no longer relevant.
看在上帝份上 别再这么说了 Oh, for god sakes, knock it off!
我不许你自己给自己泄气 I am not gonna let you feel sorry for yourself.
你是汤姆·加沃斯 所以呢 You are Tom Scavo, damn it! And?
抱歉 没有所以 进来吧 吃猪排 Sorry. I got nothing else. Come inside and eat your pork.
这里味道很怪 我不想在这呆着 This place smells funny. I don't wanna be here.
在你耍大牌以前 Well, you should've thought about that
你就应该想到了 给我坐下 before you started acting like such a diva. Now sit down.
克劳里神父 真是稀客啊 Father crowley! This is a surprise.
什么风把你吹来了 What brings you to our soup kitchen?
我想让胡安妮塔和穷人一起工作 Well, I want Juanita to work with the poor.
我想教她学会感恩 I want to teach her to be grateful
让她知道她现在环境有多好 我们总需要帮忙 for how good she has it. Oh, well, we can always use a hand.
四双手呢 真是感谢 And four hands? Well, that's a blessing.
我吗 不 Oh, me? No, no. Not me.
我的穿着不适合舀汤 I'm not really dressed for ladling,
我可以站在调味台那边 but, um, I could stand by the condiment bar
给大家喷点我的香奈儿香水 and spritz people with my Chanel.
你是说胡安妮塔有点不知道感恩吗 And you say Juanita is a little ungrateful? Hmm.
富兰.舒曼 Fran schulman?
我是加布丽尔·索利斯 网球俱乐部的 Fran. Huh? It's Gabrielle Solis from the tennis club.
哦 是你 Oh, of course.
那么多年过去了 Wow, it's been years!
最后一次见到你还是在慈善时尚秀上 The last time I saw you was at that charity fashion show.
是不是很有趣 是啊 Wasn't that fun? Yes. Yes, it was.
你在这做什么 当志愿者吗 So what are you doing here? Are you volunteering?
不是 我也不是 我女儿太骄傲了 Not exactly. Me either. My daughter's gotten so snooty,
我要让她接触接触这些下层人民 I am forcing her to spend time with the great unwashed.
一起喝杯卡布奇诺吗 You wanna ditch this place for a cappuccino?
其实 我是来要饭的 Um, actually, I'm here to eat.
喔 Oh!
苏珊来了 It's Susan.
好啊 我们还没看够她 Great. We don't see enough of her.
她不是一个人来的 And she's not alone.
杰克逊 好久不见了 怎么样了 Hey, Jackson. Long time no see. What's going on?
我们宣布一件事 Um... we sort of have an announcement.
我们要结婚了 We're getting married.
天哪 真是好消息啊 Oh, my god! This is such great news!
什么时候 Oh! So... when's the date?
星期一 Monday.
这么突然 Whoa. W... Well, that's kind of sudden.
时机成熟 就该行动 我们在周五要办个订婚晚会 想请你们也来 Well, when you know, you know. Why wait? And we're having a little engagement party on Friday, and you're both invited.
晚会吗 算上我们 A party? Count us in.
太值得庆祝了 I can't think of a better reason to... celebrate.
告诉M.J.了吗 Have you told M.J. Yet?
是的 他发现有蛋糕的时候就知道了 Yeah. He was on board when he found out there was cake.
只是觉得对他来说 不会太突然了吧 Okay. Just wanna make sure this isn't all happening too fast for him.
你知道的 孩子需要一点时间来适应 You know kids. They need a little time to adjust.
孩子恢复力很强的 Oh, kids are resilient.
他会没事的 我只是太高兴了 He'll be fine. I'm so excited!
我想让你们第一个知道 Well, uh, we wanted you two to be the first to know,
我们该走了 还得去告诉别的邻居呢 and we should probably get going. Got a few more neighbors to shock.
我们替你高兴 Oh, well, we are just so happy for you.
恭喜 Yeah. Congratulations.
如果我们用缎子做沙发面 Now if we're going with the damask for the settee,
我强烈建议做成绒布沙发 then I strongly suggest that we do the couch in the chenille.
我唯一能听懂的词就是沙发 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. The only word I understood there was "couch."
我一会儿再给他解释 I'll explain it to him later.
好的 因为他们只打算保留这块布 Good, because they're only going to hold this fabric
就几天 for a couple of days.
好啦 我要走了 Well, I am off.
这个花瓶美极了 Ohh. Isn't that vase divine?
我很高兴你喜欢它 I am so glad you like it.
我以为我们只是拿它来摆摆看 I thought we were just trying out the vase.
我等会会跟他解释的 好的 I'll explain it to him later. Okay.
谢谢你 Mm-hmm. Thank you.
你相信吗 Can you believe this?
7年前 伊芙琳为富兰家负责装饰 Seven years ago, Evelyn did Fran's house.
现在 她连房子都没了 Now? No house.
这太不可思议了 你有没有问富兰发生了什么事 That's crazy. You ask Fran what happened?
没有 我不想让她难堪 No! I didn't want to embarrass her.
你在领免费汤的队伍里碰见她 You met her in line for free soup.
还有什么比这更尴尬的吗 How much more embarrassed could she get?
记得她以前举办地一场宴会吗 Remember that dinner party she gave?
她有20处地方放置帝梵尼陶瓷 She had 20 place settings of Tiffany China.
一个拥有帝梵尼陶瓷的人怎么会变成这样 How does this happen to someone who has Tiffany China?
200美元一码啊 This is $200 a yard.
告诉富兰给我们在排队时留个位 Tell Fran to save us a place in line.
我知道怎么了 I bet I know what happened.
她借酒消愁 She drank it away.
除夕之夜 That one new year's Eve
她心情郁闷至极 掉进了酒池了 where she got so plowed she fell in the koi pond...
压在你身上 你也醉醺醺的 Where she landed on you, drunky sue.
那次晚会每个人都被灌醉了 Everybody was hammered at that party.
那一定是赌博的问题 Well, then it must've been a gambling problem.
你怎么知道 Based on what?
她一定会玩宾戈游戏 She never missed bingo night at immaculate heart...
她是马丁·路德的信徒 And she was lutheran.
你真的认为她的房子是被她赌没了的 You really think she bingo'ed her house away?
我不清楚 但肯定有原因 Uh, I don't know. There has to be some reason.
你不可能一下变得如此穷困潦倒 You don't fall that far that fast
除非做了一些愚蠢的决定 without making some really stupid choices.
你为什么这么生气 Why you gettin' so angry?
卡洛斯 帝梵尼陶瓷啊 It was Tiffany China, Carlos.
你就是那个破坏了我钓鱼之旅的人吧 Aha! There's the man that ruined my fishing trip.
对不起 大卫 不 没什么 Sorry about that, Dave. Oh, no worries.
我为你和苏珊高兴 恭喜你们 Hey, I am so happy for you and Susan. Congratulations.
谢谢 Thanks.
怎么走了 So how have you been?
我们还没有机会聊聊 自从 We haven't had a chance to talk since...
记不清了 好像是火灾之后 I don't know, probably the fire.
是的 你是个大英雄 Uh, yeah. You were the big hero.
我是被困在厕所里的蠢货 I was the doofus that got stuck in the men's room.
那真是可怕的一夜 Oh, that was a hell of a night.
应该忘了它 对 我也这么认为 Sure would like to forget that. Yeah, me, too.
倒霉的是 我还要去一次城里 周二去跟警察谈话 真的吗 Unfortunately, I have to go down and talk to the cops on Tuesday. Really?
是啊 我去市政大厅 拿结婚证书 Yeah. I went down to city hall to get my marriage certificate,
我被那晚其中一个侦探抓住了 and I ran into one of the detectives from that night,
很明显 他们一直在想办法联系我 and apparently, they've been trying to get in touch with me.
所以我婚后要马上去城里一趟 So now I get to go down there the day after my wedding.
这也是一种蜜月 Some honeymoon, huh?
那些家伙真知道怎么在你的大日子里找麻烦 Wow. Those guys really know how to put a crimp in your day.
那他们有说要跟你谈些什么吗 So did they say what they wanted to talk to you about?
我猜他们只是想知道 我有没有看到什么可疑的 I guess they just wanna know if I saw anything suspicious.
那你看到了吗 Hmm. Did you?
没有 我当时在后台 Mm, no. I mean, I was backstage.
我朝着厕所跑去 然后跑进去 I was headed to the men's room, and I ran into...
实在是对不起 Oh! Ugh! I am so sorry.
不 别担心 我来处理 Oh, no. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it.
这里一定有拖把 I mean, there's gotta be a mop around here somewhere.
它不会自己出现 That's not coming out.
布里可以一下子把这处理好 Oh, Bree can get rid of that in a jiffy.
她现在在哪 Now where did she go?
好 开始作秀 擦擦你的鞋 Okay. Showtime. Wipe your feet first.
我刚把地毯弄干净 I just had the carpets cleaned.
因为我们虽然是小偷 Just because we're thieves
但并不意味着我们就要脏兮兮的 doesn't mean we need to be untidy.
这个偷吗 Are we stealing this?
是的 据我所知 这个很值钱 Uh, yes. As I recall, it's quite valuable.
这个呢 天啊 不 What about this? Oh, god, no.
那是奥森的年度创新奖 That's Orson's dental innovator of the year award.
我一直都很讨厌它 I've always hated that thing.
那放这 Oh, here.
你在干嘛 What are you doing?
我把银器拿走了 I, uh, took some of my silver off the mantle,
修复应有的平衡 and it threw off the balance.
是的 Yeah.
你说得对 我来帮你 You're right. Let me help.
平衡重新恢复了 There. Balance restored.
有这个必要吗 Was that necessary?
这里必须看起来好像 被小偷洗劫一空的样子 This place has to look like it was ransacked by robbers,
不是想某个人的店铺 是的 但是你一定要用这种方式吗 not someone's personal shopper. Fine! But do you have to do it with such relish?
你付钱给我 不只是为了走个过场吧 Hey, you're not paying me to just go through the motions.
说到这个 你 奥森的确像你说的那样吗 Speaking of which... are you nailing Orson like we discussed?
这不关你事 That is none of your business.
是的 我们要确保 他不会产生任何怀疑 Well, we have to make sure he doesn't suspect anything.
我所说的完全是事实 毫无添油加醋 I do the bare minimum. No more, no less.
那他是传教士吗 So is he just missionary?
他看起来像那种严谨的传教士 He seems like a strictly missionary kind of guy.
你一定要这么残忍吗 Must you be so crude?
你又何苦要这么较真 Must you always be such a priss?
一提到性你就行为异常 You freak out at the mention of sex.
你从不会制造混乱 You never want to make a mess.
你压抑所有发自内心的欲望 You suppress every spontaneous urge you ever have!
天啊 你一定厌倦了人生 Man, it must be exhausting being you!
是的 做一个努力的女人 Yes, being a lady takes effort.
是啊 也许需要休息一下 Well, maybe give it a rest once in a while.
你将会惊讶地发现 这种感觉多么好 It might surprise you how good it feels.
你想做一个原始人 卡尔 那是你的选择 You wanna be a neanderthal, Karl? That's your choice.
我选择高尚尊贵的举止 I prefer to behave with class and dignity.
盗窃结束了没有 Now may we please finish robbing my home?
比尔·布朗 Bill brown!
我是汤姆·加沃斯 It's Tom Scavo.
汤姆 天啊 Tom! Oh, my god!
你在这做什么 What are you doing here?
杰克逊和我在同一个球队 Well, Jackson and I are in the same soccer league.
勒奈特 这是比尔·布朗 Lynette, this is bill brown.
我们大一的时候是同宿舍的 你好 We were roommates freshmen year in college. Hi.
真的吗 是的 Really? Yeah!
天啊 你看起来很年轻 一点都没有变老 你也一样 God, you look fantastic. You haven't aged a day. Hey, right back at ya.
骗人 你刚刚都没有认出我 Liar. You didn't even recognize me.
等等 你们是同班同学吗 是啊 Back up a second. You guys were classmates? Yeah.
就是说你们同一时间在同一个班吗 Meaning you were in the same class at the same time?
同班同学就是这个意思 勒奈特 我们一样大 That's what classmates means, Lynette. We're the same age.
事实上我比你还大6个月 Actually, I think I'm six months older.
你更大啊 You're older?!
不好意思 我真是不敢相信 I'm sorry, I just cannot believe...
他们竟然从焗烤蘑菇里掉出来了 That they're out of stuffed mushrooms.
不好意思 Excuse me.
好 我妻子是令人伤脑筋 但是她是对的 Okay, my wife's annoying, but she is right.
你的年轻秘诀是什么 What's your secret? What is it? Diet? Exercise?
是什么 饮食 还是运动 你每天早上吃一碗干细胞吗 You eatin' a bowl of stem cells every morning?
快点 告诉我 怎么回事 彼得.潘 Come on. What's going on, Peter Pan?
好吧 你真的想知道吗 Okay... You really wanna know?
你好啊 Hi!
这是给你和杰克逊的礼物。恭喜你们 This is for you and Jackson. Congratulations!
太感谢了 好大的礼啊 真厉害 Aw, how sweet. Oh! And heavy. Score.
我们现在可以更慷慨一些 Yeah, well, we can afford to be generous
因为以后不用给你赡养费了 now that I'm off the hook for alimony.
对啊 什么 Yeah. What?
你要结婚了 You're getting remarried.
我不用每月给你支票了 So I can stop sending that check every month.
双赢啊 Everybody gets a gift.
对啊 也恭喜你们 Right! Score for you!
和你单独谈一下 Uh, can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah?
谢谢 Oh, thank you.
你有赡养费 You get alimony?
我以为你很骄傲 不会要赡养费的 I thought you were too proud to take alimony.
我很骄傲 不愿意接纳 但不代表我不去接纳 I was too proud to admit it. I'm not too proud to take it.
我需要那些钱 杰克逊 I need that money, Jackson.
我会试着凑钱 凑钱 Well, I-I can try to chip in. "Chip in"?
这可不是给会计部的雪莉凑钱买生日蛋糕 It's is not a birthday cake for Shirley in accounting.
这是关于贷款 食物和保险 It's mortgage and food and insurance.
抱歉 我不能嫁给你 I'm sorry, but I can't marry you.
不 苏珊 他们会把我送回去 No, Susan, they'll send me back.
是加拿大啊 不是伊朗 It's Canada, not Iran.
跟美国一样啊 都有免费的医疗保险 It's like america with free health insurance.
我知道这对你很重要 Okay, I know this is important to you,
但我每个月都指望这笔钱 我知道 but I depend on that check every month. And I know you do.
但我就是想不通 刚找到喜欢的工作 I just can't believe that I finally found a job that I love,
却又不得不放弃 and now I just gotta give it up.
也许我能跟迈克谈谈 Well, look, maybe... I could talk to Mike.
看看能不能找到什么办法解决 I could see if we could work something out.
你愿意帮我吗 You'd do that?
是的 我去试试 Yeah, I'll try.
我觉得他不会把礼物收回 Don't think he's not gonna want his gift back.
这还真沉啊 And it's really heavy, too.
所以 So...
你觉得我的朋友比尔看上去很棒 You thought my friend bill looked pretty fantastic, huh?
我确实表现过激了 Okay, I went a little overboard.
我就是这样 酒后乱说话 You know me... two margaritas, and I need a muzzle.
不 我完全同意你 他看上去很年轻 No, I completely agree with you. He looks really young.
我知道 他肯定很会保养 I know, right? He must take care of himself.
事实上 他告诉他的秘密了 Actually, he told me his secret,
我也想这么做 and I'm thinking of doing the same thing.
不行 你不能去做整容手术 No, you're not having plastic surgery.
这是我的脸 It's my face.
我们是财产共有 Uh, we live in a community property state,
你的半个脸也是我的 so half that face is mine.
你那半个是鼻子以下的部分 Fine, you know what? You get the half below the nose.
这些有皱纹的部分是我的 我要把他们整掉 But these wrinkles up here? All going away.
男人不需要整容手术 汤姆 Tom, men don't need plastic surgery.
他们越成熟越好 They look better as they age.
真的吗 Really?
因为你一直不停地说 Because you couldn't stop talking
比尔看起来有多么好 你们真的是同学吗 about how great bill looked. "You guys were classmates?
你说的同学是同一班吗 You mean the same class at the same time?"
那是我不好 Okay, that's a lousy impression of me.
比尔说这真的对他很有帮助 尤其是面试时 Look, bill said it really gave him a leg up in job interviews,
我现在正用得到 and I could use that right now.
你不需要脸部拉皮 You don't need a face-lift.
如果是我去做个隆胸手术 What if I went out and got a boob job
摇身一变成为超级波霸 and came home with big, giant sideshow boobs?
你会喜欢吗 How would you like that?
我肯定会学着习惯的 I'd learn to live with it somehow.
你不能去做 我们负担不起 You're not doing this. We can't afford it!
这是为我们的将来做投资 不做才不负责任呢 It's an investment in our future. We can't afford not to.
我去联系医生约个时间 I'm calling the doctor and making an appointment.
你那一对 如果想做的话也可以去询个价 If you want, I can also get a price check on a pair of...
我才不会去隆胸呢 I'm not getting a boob job.
我给你泡杯伯爵红茶如何 Why don't I make you a nice cup of Earl grey...
天哪 Oh, dear god.
奥森 我们被抢了 Orson, we've been robbed!
不是我干的 我发誓 It wasn't me. I swear.
我们需要更多的银器 We need more silverware up there.
不许加塞 后面排队去 No cuts! Back of the line.
放心 早就在自己家吃过了 Oh, relax. I already ate dinner at home...
我住桥洞底下的盒子里 In my box under the bridge.
富兰 Fran?
天哪 真担心在这儿找不到你 Oh, god. I was afraid I wouldn't find you here.
算你走运 我还是这么穷 Ah, lucky you, I'm still poor.
那天我走太急了 真抱歉 I feel bad I ducked out so fast the other day.
后来我一直在想你的事 And I've been thinking about you a lot,
真的很想帮你 and I just... I really wanna help.
谢谢你 谢谢你 Wow. Thank you. Thank you!
我只是想确认下 你会是在 这样吧[喝酒的手势] Now... I just wanna make sure that you're not gonna... You know...
加布 我从来不酗酒的 Drinking was never my problem, Gaby.
我不这么认为 你以前多漂亮啊 I didn't think so. You were always so classy.
20 40 60 那是因为嗑药吗 20, 40, 60... Was it drugs?
不 我从没嗑过药 No. I never did drugs.
那好 80 100 Good to know. 80, 100.
因为赌博更不好 更易沉迷 Because gambling is bad enough without being high.
我这辈子从来没赌过 加布 I never gambled a day in my life, Gaby.
那到底发生了什么事 Well, then what the hell happened?
这根本说不通呀 This doesn't make sense.
我去过你家 看到过你富足快乐的生活 I was at your house. You had such lovely things.
是的 那时候我和马克过得很好 Yes, Mark and I lived really well.
可能是有点太好了吧 Probably a little... Too well.
我们挥霍青春 But we were young,
却觉得未来尽在掌握 and we thought we had time to save for the future.
然后 他死了 Then he died.
马克死了 我都不知道 Mark died? I didn't know.
他一病不起 He was sick a really long time.
没法工作 没有保险 He couldn't work. He lost his insurance.
到他去世的时候 我们已经一贫如洗了 By the time he passed away, we were completely wiped out.
富兰 太遗憾了 Oh, Fran, I'm so sorry.
你们没有什么家人可以投靠吗 朋友呢 You didn't have any family to turn to? Any friends?
没有家人 到最后也没多少朋友了 No family, and as it turns out, not too many friends either.
加布 我知道你过来是想弄清楚 我到底做了什么落得如此下场 Look, Gaby, I know you came here wanting to find out what I did to make this all happen.
事实是 一次事故 一场疾病或者一次投资失败 But the truth is, we're all just an accident or a tumor
就足以把我们打回原形 沦落到排队领救济餐的境地 or a bad investment away from... Standing in line for free soup.
谢谢你 Thank you.
我不同意你的说法 富兰 I don't agree, Fran.
卡洛斯曾经失明整整5年 You know, Carlos went blind for five years.
我们破产了 一度穷到几乎无家可归 We went broke. We almost lost our house.
但我们照样努力工作终于挽回了败局 But we worked our asses off and we made it back.
所以 你觉得你已经度过了那个难关 Oh, so just because you survived that,
以后就苦尽甘来一帆风顺了 you think you've crossed some kind of finish line,
再也不会一夜回到解放前了 that nothing bad can happen again?
不 但是 听我说 Well, no, but... listen.
我希望你能如愿以偿 I hope it works out for you.
希望你永远不会失去你的大家庭 I hope you never lose that big, beautiful home of yours.
如果我能回到从前 我一定会倍加珍惜 God knows I wish I'd appreciated mine more while I had it.
再次谢谢你 Thank you again.
你什么时候去洗牙 到时候再提醒我一下 Remind me again when you're getting your teeth cleaned.
14号 Um... the 14th.
你一直想拉我去看的那部戏 15号的 And the 15th, we have tickets
我们有票 可以去看了 to that play that you're dragging me to.
好的 为什么说起这些 Yes. Why?
只是确认下 I'm just... I'm trying to figure out
哪天会是个结婚的好日子 when would be a good time to get married.
抱歉 你刚刚这是在 I'm sorry. What did you just...
我知道我知道 I know, I know.
肯定算不上世界上最浪漫的求婚方式 Not the most romantic proposal in the world.
真不该以洗牙这样的谈话开始 I shouldn't have led with the teeth cleaning.
我觉得这点我可以忽略掉 I feel I can overlook that.
这么说你答应了 So is that a yes?
是的 我答应了 Yes! It's a yes! Oh!
为什么突然提起这个 Wow! What brought this on?
只是觉得时机到了 It just seemed like the right time.
麦克 我太高兴了 Oh, Mike. I'm so happy.
我爱你 I love you.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
我能理解他们抢走了东西 I understand taking things,
但为什么要弄坏这些带不走的东西呢 but why smash something you're gonna leave behind?
亲爱的 他们是强盗 可不是来购物的 They're robbers, dear. Not personal shoppers.
不管是谁 干这事的真该被枪毙 Yeah, well, whoever did this should be shot.
我在想那些被你光顾过的失主 Well, I wonder if the victims of your kleptomania
是不是也这么想 felt the same way.
知道吗 你说得太对了 You know what? You're absolutely right.
我从来没意识到我的盗窃癖对别人造成的影响 I never realized what my stealing put people through.
也许这就是报应吧 Maybe this is Karma.
那是什么 What is that? Oh.
他们偷去的一个面具的图 It's a picture of the mask they stole.
我照着记忆画下来的 I drew it from memory.
还记得我们在哪买的吗 Wow. Hmm. Remember where we got it?
佛罗伦萨吗 Was it Florence?
是威尼斯 Venice.
我们在桥下散步的时候经过一家小店 We walked past that little shop under the bridge,
透过窗户 你看见了这个 and you saw it in the window.
是啊 Oh, that's right.
你跟我说过你的一生都戴着面具而活 Mm. You told me you'd been wearing a mask all your life,
但跟我在一起 你觉得 but with me, you felt...
我终于可以脱下面具 做回自己了 Like I could finally take it off and be myself.
是的 总之我给威尼斯的那家店发了个传真 Yeah. Anyway, I faxed it to the shop in venice.
他们说可以再做一个新的 They said they could make a new one.
一个月左右就可以到你手上了 I should have it for you in about a month.
真不敢相信你为我做了这么多 I can't believe you went to all that trouble
那你肯定不知道你对我有多重要 then you must not know how much you mean to me.
你好 大卫 Hello? Oh, hi, Dave.
不会 不打扰 有什么事吗 No, of course not. What's on your mind?
我觉得是时候回去工作了 Well, I figured it was time to get back to work,
所以定了个演讲行程 so I put together a speaking tour...
我的惯驶航线是西雅图到波特兰 Seattle, Portland, my usual route.
工作 你确定不会太赶了点 总得冒险一试才行啊 Work? Are you sure it's not too soon? Well, I have to do it eventually.
不管怎样 希望你能答应 Anyway, I was hoping
时不时地帮我照看下屋子 you could check in on the house now and then.
当然可以 Of course.
有人敲门 我先打发了再说 Oh, someone's at my door. Let me get rid of them.
凯瑟琳 麦克在吗 Hey, Katherine, is Mike here?
不在 他在上班 糟糕 No, he's at work. Oh, shoot. Um...
你能转告他一回来就打电话给我好吗 Well, can you tell him to call me as soon as he gets back? Sure.
当然 你还好吧 Is everything okay?
其实 Uh, well...
麦克肯定会告诉你的 Okay, you know what? Mike's probably gonna tell you anyway,
但你千万别告诉别人 好吗 so just don't tell anyone else, okay?
不是婚礼出问题了吧 There's not a problem with the wedding, is there?
会如期举行吧 It's still on, right?
难说 It depends.
杰克逊和我结婚 Jackson and I are only getting married
仅仅是为了他的绿卡 because he needs his green card.
后来发现我会失去赡养费 Oh. And then I realized that I would lose my alimony.
除非麦克继续给钱 不然我不能结婚 So unless Mike will keep paying me, I can't get married.
必须结 You have to.
杰克逊多可怜啊 I mean, poor Jackson.
不想看到他被遣送回 I-I would hate to see him deported back to...
他从哪来的 加拿大 Where's he from? Canada.
不能让这种事情发生 Oh! Oh! Brr! We can't have that!
那要不我转告麦克吧 太好了 If you want, I could talk to Mike for you. That would be great.
告诉他尽快答复 因为婚礼是下周一 Just tell him I need an answer quickly 'cause the wedding is Monday.
别急着取消啊 今晚就答复你 Well, don't cancel anything yet. You'll have your answer tonight.
谢谢 Thanks.
抱歉 大卫 Sorry, Dave.
大卫 Dave?
勒奈特 别来无恙吧 Hey. Hey, Lynette. How's it going?
我老公想预支钱做不必要的整容 Oh, my husband wants to spend money we don't have
所以不怎么好 on a face-lift he doesn't need, so... not great.
告诉他小心点 Mm, tell him to be careful.
你见过工资单上的布鲁斯吗 Have you seen Bruce in payroll?
他刚去做了整容手术 He just went in for a little nip and tuck.
然后呢 怎样了 And? How's he look?
他像站在风洞里一样 Like he's standing in a wind tunnel.
是吗 Really? Mm-hmm.
可怜的布鲁斯 Poor Bruce. Yep.
他是哪个部门的 What's his extension?
我觉得还是太草率了 And I'm thinking I may have acted rashly.
没有婚姻是完美的 I mean, every marriage has its rough patches.
奥森爱我 其实他也是个好人 Orson loves me, and deep down, he's a good man.
如果我坚持下去 也许能过下去 If I stick with this, maybe we can make it work.
你到底有没有在听啊 Are you even listening to me?
没必要 早听过了 Don't need to. Heard it all before.
是吗 Oh, really?
我干这行都20年了 I've been doing this 20 years.
相信我 And trust me,
每个女人都会心软 every woman gets cold feet.
我是不是做错了 "Am I making a mistake?"
他真的那么坏吗 "Was he really that bad?"
也许我能再努力些 "Maybe I could try harder."
我会告诉你相同的话 And I'm gonna tell you what I tell them...
你没有做错 You're not making a mistake.
他就是有那么坏 He really is that bad.
不管你多努力 And no matter how hard you try,
他还是那个最开始 he's still gonna be the same jerk
让你走进这间办公室的人 who sent you into this office in the first place.
所以我和其他人一样 Oh. So I'm just like everyone else,
我要说什么你都知道 and you know everything I'm going to say.
我还知道你不会的话 Yep. I even know the stuff you're not going to say.
我不信 I doubt that.
那我试试 Let me give it a shot.
你一直在想 You've been thinking,
如果我离开奥森 放弃为这段感情 "what happens if I walk away from Orson
付出的一切 会怎么样呢 and everything I invested in this relationship?"
我还能找到新的归宿吗 "Will I ever find another man?"
你会孤独一生吗 Will you spend the rest of your life alone?
差不多吧 Close?
差不离 In the ballpark.
你听我说 Well, you listen to me.
你没什么好担心的 You've got nothing to worry about.
你是个美丽 优雅 高贵的女人 You're a beautiful, elegant, classy woman,
不可能会孤老终身 and there's no way you're gonna end up alone.
你也对每个女人这么说吗 And do you say that to every woman, too?
我真接待过些老女人 No. I mean, I get some real uggos in here.
那些要孤独死去 You know, the kind that are gonna die alone
被自己猫啃噬的人 and get eaten by their cats.
厉害啊 Charming.
能继续谈正事了吗 So are we back in business?
文件好了就给我送来 Send me the papers when they're ready.
亲爱的 你终于回来了 Honey, I'm glad you're home.
我有同事要给你介绍 I brought someone home from work I want you to meet. W...
他做了 Ohh. Yeah. It turns out he got the same procedure
你想做的那种手术 that you're thinking about getting.
我想你们可以聊聊 你最终还是同意我了 So I thought maybe you could chat him up about it. So you're finally on board with this?
如你所说 是你自己的脸嘛 Well, like you said, it's your face.
快点 我就想让你见见布鲁斯 Come on, I'm dying for you to meet Bruce.
布鲁斯 给你介绍我老公汤姆 Bruce, I want you to meet my husband Tom.
汤姆 这是布鲁斯 Tom, this is Bruce.
你好 汤姆 Hi, Tom.
勒奈特告诉我 So, um, Lynette tells me
你准备做选择性手术 you're thinking about having a little elective surgery.
她说了啊 Did she? Mm-hmm.
也许你现在看不出来 Now you may not be able to tell,
我的手术已经完成了 but I've had work done.
是吗 他们完成了吗 Really? Have they finished?
我应该给你个警告 Yeah. Now I should warn you that, uh...
做完手术后 看起来有点诡异 After they operate, it looks a little weird.
我正觉得奇怪呢 Oh, I was wondering about that. Yeah.
但最后还是解决了 就是这样 But eventually it settles, like this. Mm.
是不是很兴奋啊 汤姆 Isn't it exciting, Tom?
再过几周 你就和布鲁斯长得一样了 In a few weeks, you are gonna look just like Bruce.
如果你想要 我把我的主治医生告诉你 Hey, if you want, I'll give you the name of my surgeon.
好啊 我要知道是谁做的 Yes. I definitely want the name of the guy who did that.
勒奈特 布鲁斯好像想喝东西 Lynette, um, Bruce looks like he could use something to drink,
我肯定能办到 and I know that I sure could.
抱歉 我们离开一下 C-Could you excuse us for a sec?
真聪明啊 勒奈特 弄个小丑过来吓我 Very clever, Lynette... inviting the joker over to scare me.
我想让你看看宣传册中没有的脸 I wanted you to see the face they don't put in the brochure.
我会让著名医生来主刀 I will be having my work done by a reputable surgeon.
布鲁斯就好像是熊给他开刀的 Bruce looks like his was done by a bear.
这就是我想说的 That's my point.
你不知道结果会是怎样 You don't know how these things will turn out.
我愿意承担风险 我就是要做 Well, I am willing to take that risk. I'm doing it.
你干嘛这么顽固 Why are you being so stubborn?
你干嘛管这么多 Why do you care so much?
因为我不想整容 Because I don't want to have plastic surgery.
什么 What?
汤姆 如果你不满意自己的相貌 Tom, if you're unsatisfied with your looks,
总有一天你也会对我厌倦的 someday you're gonna be unsatisfied with mine.
不会的 会的 No. No. Yes.
某一天你会用崭新的脸看着我 You are going to look at me someday with your brand-new face
然后说 她什么时候这么老了 and say, "when did she get so old?"
我们不再会比翼双飞了 We won't look like we belong together anymore.
勒奈特 我只是想磨平一点皱纹 Lynette, I'm just talking about gettin' rid of a few wrinkles.
我没看到皱纹啊 汤姆 But I don't see your wrinkles, Tom.
我看到的是我们走过的岁月 I see our whole life together.
这是 This...
你在思考如何养活我们 Is you worrying about how you're going to provide for us.
这是佩妮从树屋上掉下来 This is penny falling out of the tree house
摔断了手臂 and breaking her arm.
这是我的癌症 This is my cancer.
这是让我们挺过 These are the millions of laughs
艰难时期的笑容 that got us through all those tough times.
就像是我们婚姻的轨迹 It's like a map of our marriage,
我不想失去它 and I don't want to lose it.
如果因此我不能找到工作呢 And it if keeps me from getting a job?
你会找到工作的 You're gonna get a job,
是因为你有丰富的经验 and it'll be because they're impressed by your experience,
而不是光滑的皮肤 not your wrinkle-free face.
我完全了解你的意思了 I know exactly what you mean.
我也爱你的脸蛋 And I love your face, too.
这里的皱纹 是在 Mmm. Mmm. And this wrinkle here, that's when...
现在不是说我 汤姆 This isn't about me, Tom.
走吧 Come on. Mwah.
和凯瑟琳谈过了 赡养费照旧 麦克 Talked to Katherine. You'll get your alimony. Mike.
好消息 Hey. Good news.
看似我们最终可以完成我们的假结婚了 Looks like we're getting fake married after all.
真的吗 是的 Really? Yeah.
麦克传简讯给我 他同意继续付赡养费 Mike agreed to keep paying me alimony. He just sent me a text.
太好了 我可以松一口气了 Oh, man. That's a relief.
他太大方了 And unbelievably generous.
我得对他说一声谢谢 I'm gonna send him a thank-you right now.
不客气 You're welcome.
苏珊 我真的不知道 You know, I really can't tell you
该如何来表达对你的感谢 how much I appreciate you doing this for me, Susan.
我保证 只要我在这里 And I promise, as long as I'm here,
我有什么需要我做的 我一定随叫随到 I'll pitch in around the house, run errands.
就像真正的丈夫一样 You know, just like a real husband.
显然你没有结过婚 Clearly, you've never been married before.
我想说 可能正是一个冒牌婚姻 Well, you know, just because this is, um...
会出现许多让人意想不到的惊喜呢 A fake marriage, doesn't mean it can't be wonderful.
我经历过真正的婚姻 Well, I've been in some real marriages that weren't,
所以我认为 你可能是对的 so... maybe you're right.
看看 易拉罐 Oh, look. Cans.
婚礼离不开易拉罐和结婚标志 You can't have a wedding without cans and signage!
太贴心了 Sweet!
我们去法院的路上先把车洗了 Let's get to the car wash on our way to the courthouse. Mm-hmm.
杰克逊.布拉多克 Jackson braddock?
什么事 Yes?
我们是移民局的 We're with immigration.
你持有过期签证 You're in the country on an expired visa.
你得跟我们走一趟 不行 不 You're gonna have to come with us. Oh, no, no, no.
你们不能带他走 女士 请退后 You... you can't take him now. Ma'am, I need you to step back.
苏珊 化妆台上有一张律师的名片 Susan, there's a business card on the dresser
请帮我打给他 with an attorney's number. Would you call him for me, please?
我们能等等吗 我们马上就结婚了 你们选错日子了 Please, can't this wait? We're about to get married. Not today you're not.
发生什么事了 他们是谁 移民局的 我想 What's going on? Who are these guys? Uh... immigration agents, and I think they're...
她们要把杰克逊遣送回加拿大 Sending Jackson back to Canada.
你好 请找布里·范德坎普 Hello? May I speak with, uh, Bree Van De Kamp?
她现在不在 请留言 Oh, she's not in at the moment. Can I take a message?
我是威斯顿兄弟仓库的西拉 Uh, yeah, this is Sheila with Weston brothers storage.
我想谈谈关于她租的存储间 存储间 It's about the storage unit she just rented. Storage unit?
对 我们的保证金多算了 Uh, yeah, we overcharged her on the deposit.
告诉她不用担心 Tell her not to worry.
我们会在她下张订单里扣除掉的 We're gonna deduct it from her next bill.
好的 谢谢 不客气 Okay. Uh, thank you. You're welcome.
每个人都戴着面具 Everyone wears some kind of mask,
你必须睁大双眼 so you must look closely
才能发现谎言后的真相 to find the truth that lies beneath.
有人掩饰年华逝去的恐惧 Hi. Mwah. Some conceal anxiety about growing older.
有人隐藏对于破产的畏惧 Some hide fears of financial ruin.
有人将无法忘去的真爱掩埋 Others cover up a love that continues to linger.
有些人的面具不小心滑落 And then there are those who let their masks slip.
如果你仔细看着他们的双眸 If you look into their eyes,
他们才会现出原形 you'll see who they really are...
及其精心盘算的计划 And exactly what they're capable of.