《绝望的主妇》前情提要 Previously on Desperate Housewives
汤姆搬了出去 Tom moved out of the house.
我和汤姆分居了 Tom and I are separating.
不是吧 No.
掩瞒了一场谋杀后 After covering up a murder,
加布警告布里 这时候和警察约会 Gaby warned Bree it was a bad time
不合时宜 to be dating a cop.
赶快甩掉查克 你必须和他做个了结 Get rid of Chuck. But you've got to end this,
而且要当机立断 and you've got to end it now.
布里给保罗看了她的神秘信件 Bree showed the mysterious letter to Paul,
让保罗似曾相识 who'd seen one like it before.
我曾向警方提起过 I mentioned the letter to the police.
那个探长是个高个子男人 The main detective was a tall guy
大家都叫他彭斯 with a short name like, uh, Pence.
是万斯吗 查克·万斯 Was it Vance? Chuck Vance?
就是他 That's it.
卡洛斯愧疚不已 Carlos struggled with remorse...
我就是想让生活回归正常 I just want us to get back to normal.
那是绝对不可能的 We're never going back to normal!
而他发现心存愧疚的不只他一人 And discovered he wasn't the only one feeling guilty.
能有人谈谈真好 It is nice to be able to talk about this.
你想去喝杯咖啡吗 You wanna get some coffee?
苏珊·德尔非诺和卡洛斯·索利斯 Susan Delfino and Carlos Solis
从未交往言深 had never been the best of friends.
苏珊觉得卡洛斯太过在意 Susan thought Carlos paid too much attention
别人的意见 to other people's opinions.
而卡洛斯认为苏珊太我行我素 And Carlos thought Susan didn't pay attention at all.
这么多年来 他们交流甚少 Over the years, they'd never had much to say to one another.
可有一晚 苏珊苦于有些想法 But one night, susan found herself troubled by thoughts
无法与丈夫分享 she couldn't share with her spouse.
与此同时 隔壁第二家 While two doors down,
卡洛斯也陷入了同样窘境 Carlos was in the same predicament.
正因有着相同的起因 And that's how it came to pass
两个形同陌路的人 that two people who'd never had much to say to one another
突然发现 suddenly found...
他们可以无话不谈 they had a great deal to talk about.
所以我离开办公室 走进停车场 So I leave the office, walk into the parking garage,
然后... 他就在那里 And... There he is.
亚历亨德罗 Alejandro.
就在我面前 Right in front of me.
我的魂差点被吓飞了 I practically jump out of my skin.
然后我再次转身 Then I turn around again.
发现只是有个人上车而已 It's just some guy getting into his car.
我跟变了个人似的 This is not me.
失眠 见到鬼 I can't sleep. I'm seeing ghosts.
我感觉 I feel like...
我走到哪儿都有块霓虹灯牌在我额头 I'm walking around with a neon sign on my forehead,
一闪一闪 "有罪 有罪" flashing "Guilty, guilty,"
人人都能看见 and everybody can see it.
有时我觉得我快失控了 Sometimes I think I'm losing it.
我也是 Me, too.
我时刻准备着打倒那家伙 I was getting ready to deck the guy.
你能想象吗 Can you imagine?
你还问我这个问题 Can I imagine?
我袭警了 你还记得吗 I assaulted a cop, remember?
对 结果怎么样 Oh, yeah. What happened with that?
被罚15个小时的社会服务 15 hours of community service.
我又不能告诉迈克 And I can't tell Mike.
我又对他撒了个谎 It's one more thing I'm lying to him about.
我可以和加布谈 可她也听烦了 Well, I can talk to Gaby, but she's sick of listening.
所以这样交谈的感觉真是... That's what this makes this feel so...
我懂 I know.
能给你说件事吗 Can I tell you something?
今晚我出来散步的时候 When I went out walking tonight,
挺希望能撞见你 I was kind of hoping I'd run into you.
我也这么想来着 I was kinda hoping that, too.
不是吧 You're kidding.
你从没看过《杀死一只知更鸟》吗 You've never read "To Kill a Mockingbird"?
在我的学校 要是看书 In my school, if you read a book,
更会去看"杀死一个二年级学生" it was more like "To Kill a Sophomore."
你会喜欢的 故事讲的是一个男人 Well, you would love it. Um, it's about a guy
在体制让他失望的时候 who tries to hang on to his sense of right and wrong
努力把握自己的是非观 when the system fails him.
天呐 我全没听懂 Gee, I don't get that at all.
你的夹克 谢谢 Oh. Your jacket. Thank you.
没错 苏珊和卡洛斯 Yes, Susan and Carlos
开始彼此关注 were starting to pay attention to one another.
晚安 Good night.
可他们没注意到 But what they didn't realize
还有人在关注他们 was that someone else was paying attention, too.
紫藤郡看似完美无缺 Wisteria Lane may look flawless,
可那只是因为这里的居民 but that's only because its residents
擅于做表面文章 are so good at concealing imperfections.
他们知道如何旧貌换新颜 They know how to make something old look new again...
如何化解尴尬 how to make an embarrassing mistake disappear...
如何以次充好 how to make a poor showing look like a modest victory...
以及如何在朋友分手后 and how to make a friend feel better
及时安抚情绪 after she's gone through a messy breakup.
加布 你想的真周到 Gaby, how thoughtful.
是从那家新店买的 叫"瘦瘦浆果" It's from that new place, Skinny Berry.
味道像奶昔 可只含18个卡路里 Tastes like a milkshake but only 18 calories.
你把查克甩了之后 And I figured you could use a little pick-me-up
还可以喝点提神酒 after you dumped Chuck.
是啊 那件事... Yeah, well, about that...
早安 各位 Morning, women.
早 Morning.
那杯饮料是从"瘦瘦浆果"买的吗 Oh, is that-- is that from Skinny Berry?
你知道那里被打假部门盯上了吧 You know, the fraud unit's all over that place, right?
显然那些东西就是纯冰激凌 Apparently those things are like pure ice cream.
看来这年头谁也不能信 Huh! Guess you can't trust anybody.
祝你今天开心 Have a good day.
好吧 我知道你要说什么 All right, I know what you're gonna say--
三个词 第一个 "你" Three words-- first word, "You're,"
第三个 "疯了" Third word, "Crazy,"
当中那个 "TMD" Middle word--what you keep doing to that guy!
你不懂 You don't understand.
我当然不懂 Damn right I don't.
你说你会甩了他 You said you were gonna dump him.
没错 I was.
可我觉得那封信是查克写的 But... I think Chuck wrote the letter.
就是那封恐吓信 The "I know what you did" Letter?
你怎么会这么想 What makes you think that?
我和保罗·杨聊过了 然后 I spoke to Paul Young, and--
你怎么会和保罗说话 Whoa, whoa. Why would you talk to paul?
为了查清还有谁看过玛丽·艾莉丝的信 To find out who else knew about Mary Alice's letter,
然后他说他供认杀死玛莎·胡博的时候 and he said that when he confessed to killing Martha Huber,
查克在场 Chuck was there.
就算这样 查克又为什么要恐吓你 Okay, but why would Chuck blackmail you?
他想要的都得手啦 He's already got the milk and the cow.
别介意 只是他还会有什么企图 No offense. Just what else could he want?
也许他想掌控我 Maybe he wants to control me.
也许是想勒索我 我也不知道 Maybe he wants money. I don't know.
你该着手窥探他 You've gotta start snooping.
-什么 -搜查他的东西 - What? -Yeah. Go through his stuff,
潜进他的电子邮箱 监听他的电话 Hack into his e-mails, listen in on his phone calls.
我不能那么做 I can't do that.
你必须那么做 布里 You have to, Bree.
我们要明确搞清楚他都知道些什么 Until we know what Chuck knows-- exactly what he knows,
这不只关乎你一人的安危 it's not just you who's in danger.
这危及我们所有人 It's all of us.
力道如何 How's that pressure?
正好 别忘了 弗里德里希 Ohh, perfect, and remember, Friedrich,
我把你的小费藏在我身上某个地方 I've hidden your tip somewhere on my body.
找不找得到就看你了 it's up to you to find it.
走开 Go away!
雷尼 我需要你 Renee! I need you.
李 Lee?
我遇到大麻烦了 手足无措 I am in crisis. I am at my wit's--
你好啊 Well, hello.
我是李·麦克德莫特 很高兴认识你 Lee Mcdermott. Nice to meet you.
我是弗里德里希 I'm Friedrich.
跟《音乐之声》里的小正太同名 Ooh, like in "The sound of music"?
不懂 好吧 他跟我不是一路 Nothing? Okay. He plays for your team.
我需要你帮个大忙 Anyway, I need a huge favor.
我从不帮助别人 你知道的 I don't do favors. You know that.
是为了珍妮 It's for Jenny.
你女儿啊 Oh, your daughter?
那也没门 Yeah. No.
求你了 Oh, please.
我走投无路了 I am desperate.
我和鲍勃领养她的时候 When Bob and I adopted her,
我们达成协议 我负责谈"大姨妈"的事 we agreed that I would take care of the "Time of the month" talk,
胸罩的事都交给鲍勃 and Bob would handle all things bra.
现在那个混蛋在东京 Well, that bastard is in Tokyo,
而咪咪仙女驾到了 and the boobie fairy has arrived.
咪咪仙女 The boobie fairy?
瞧 我完全不适合处理这事 See why I should not be the one handling this?
我希望你能带她去购物 I was hoping... maybe you could take her shopping?
爷们点吧 不就是胸罩嘛 Oh, man up. It's just a bra.
那东西吓死我了 They terrify me.
各种尺码 各种类型 各种颜色 Too many numbers and letters and colors,
而我的小女孩长大了 and it's my little girl growing up,
而我无所适从 and I can't deal.
好了 Ohh, yes.
那你是同意了 So you'll do it?
不 是弗里德里希找到小费了 No, he just found his tip.
雷尼 Renee!
好吧 我带她去 但就去一小时 Fine. I'll take her, but only for an hour,
拒绝闲谈 and no small talk.
上帝保佑你 Oh, bless you.
我不会忘记你的大恩大德的 I will never forget you for this. Mwah.
快看 瑞奇·马丁在吃香蕉 Look! Ricky Martin! Eating a banana!
瑞奇·马丁 拉美音乐歌手 公开出柜
只是确认一下 Just checking.
拜托陪我们去吧 你帮佩妮买过胸罩 Oh, please come with us. You've bra shopped with Penny.
说不定还跟哪个儿子去过 And maybe one of your older boys, if I'm guessing right.
我去不了 我另有安排 I can't. I have plans.
对了 汤姆把孩子接走了 Oh, that's right. Tom's got the kids,
整栋房子就你一人了 and you have this whole place to yourself.
你有什么计划 What are you gonna do?
亲爱的 Oh, sweetie.
你的身体还要去诱惑 Some man who's not married to you
你老公以外的男人 不要放纵自己 is gonna have to see that body soon. Do not do this.
这不是为我自己准备的 我妹妹要过来 It's not for me. My sister's coming.
莉迪亚 那个灾星 Lydia? The disaster?
她突然打电话过来 Yeah. Out of the blue, she called
说要来拜访一下 你懂那是什么意思 and says she wants to visit. You know what that means.
她被甩了 She got dumped.
肯定还借了对方不少钱 After loaning him a lot of money.
还发现对方是已婚的 And finding out he's married.
还是两个老婆 所以我要做足准备 In two states. So... I gotta get the whole toolkit ready
等她伤心欲绝而来 我好抚慰她破碎的心 so after she crash-lands here, I can pick up the pieces.
我从后门走了 Uh, I'm going out the back door.
我讨厌别人哭泣 I hate to see people crying.
那会让我意识到自己有多么冷酷无情 It reminds me how little I actually care about others.
来啦 Coming!
你好 Oh, hi.
你好 小勒 Lynnie. Ohh.
你看上去 You look...
你看上去神采奕奕 You look fantastic.
你以为我会带着那副苦瓜脸 You thought I'd be my usual blubbery mess
一把鼻涕一把眼泪而来 of snot and tears, didn't you?
什么 没有 What? No.
我已洗心革面了 Well, that's not me anymore.
多亏了拉什 我焕然一新 Thanks to Rashi, I'm a changed woman.
拉什 天呐 你是养狗了吗 Rashi? Oh, god. Did you get a dog?
不是 傻瓜 我订婚了 No, silly. I got engaged
我要嫁给这世界上最棒的男人 to the greatest guy in the world.
勒奈特 我真为你和汤姆感到很遗憾 Oh, and, Lynette, I'm so sorry about you and Tom.
但别担心 我是来帮你的 But don't worry. I'm here to help.
抱歉 我回来晚了 Hey. Sorry I'm late.
超市里一片混乱 Grocery store was a madhouse.
我为了仅剩的那只鸡 跟个女人大吵一架 I actually had to fight a woman over the last chicken.
-苏珊 -不幸的是 她是斯拉夫人 - Susan-- - Unfortunately, she was Slavic--
她太健壮了 所以希望你愿意吃麦片 A very sturdy people, so I hope you like cereal.
苏珊 别扯了 我刚刚撂下电话 Susan, stop. I just got off the phone
是郡里来的电话 with the guy from the county.
他跟我说你因为袭警 Something about your court-ordered community service
法庭强制你去社区劳役 for assaulting a policeman.
那件事啊 Oh. That.
就是那件事 Yeah, that.
非常荒唐 W--it's so ridiculous.
我试着为一张违章停车罚单据理力争 I was... trying to fight a... parking ticket,
我推倒了交警的摩托 and I knocked over the cop's bike.
好像还说他的孩子很丑之类的话 Um, and I maybe told him his baby was ugly.
他完全是小題大作 He--he blew the whole thing out of proportion.
那知道我为什么要大题小做吗 Well, you know what I'm blowing out of proportion?
电话里的那个人叫我索利斯先生 The guy on the phone called me "Mr. Solis."
对了 Right.
因为 Because, um...
是卡洛斯去警局 把我保出来的 Carlos picked me up at the, uh, police station,
我知道听起来很奇怪 which I know sounds weird--
为什么我找了他 没找你 Why him and not you...
我就是觉得好丢脸 I was just, uh, so embarrassed,
我不想告诉你 I-I didn't wanna tell you.
那你跟卡洛斯之间没什么吗 So there's nothing going on with you and Carlos?
我不用担心 I shouldn't be worried
你俩昨晚的月下漫步 about your little moonlight stroll last night?
你是不是跟那斯拉夫女人 Have you been taking fighting lessons
学了怎么咄咄逼人 from that Slavic lady?
麦克 别这样 Mike, come on.
我失眠了 卡洛斯也失眠了 I couldn't sleep. Carlos couldn't sleep.
我们碰见了 就聊了聊 We ran into each other, and we talked.
有什么好聊的 你跟他一点都不熟 About what? You barely know him.
我们住在这的前八年 The first eight years we lived here,
你还老嘲笑他的口音 you called him Ricky Ricardo.
他最近遇到难题 He's... going through something,
我在帮助他 And I'm helping him.
是吗 跟我说说 他有何难题 Yeah? Tell me. What's he going through?
这是个人隐私 It's personal.
好了 麦克 我和卡洛斯只是朋友 Okay, Mike, Carlos and I are just friends.
我不介意你跟男性交朋友 I don't mind you being friends with a guy.
我受不了的是你半夜偷溜出去 It's all the sneaking around and the lying
还跟我说谎 I'm having a hard time with.
她若无其事地混进了我教的高级瑜伽班 So she waltzes in to my advanced yoga class
很显然 她从来没练过瑜伽 even though, clearly, she's never done yoga before.
因为初学者班的老师 Well, the teacher of the beginner's class
没有你这么迷人 wasn't nearly as cute as you.
然后 我仔细观察了她的动作 And then I, uh, go over
纠正了她笨拙的姿势 对吗 and correct her cobbler pose, right?
然后我们四目相对 And our eyes meet.
三周后 他给我了这个 And three weeks later, he gives me this.
真大颗[有"石头"之意] Wow, that's some rock.
这个真的是个石头 Literally, it's a rock.
是我课后在沙滩上看见的 I saw it on the beach after class.
它在呼唤我 It calls out to me,
当时我觉得也许有一天会用得上 and I feel like I might need it someday.
的确如此 宇宙真是无可思议 And you did. Isn't the universe amazing?
不可思议地节俭 Amazingly thrifty.
好吧 Okay.
这是我第三杯了吧 So this is my third glass.
我言语是有些刻薄 但我不会耍酒疯的 I'm saying mean things, but I'm not getting a buzz.
这酒不含酒精 The wine is alcohol-free.
那今晚也不会好过了 So this night's not getting any better.
自从拉什为我做了肝脏清洗以后 Ever since Rashi did a liver cleanse on me,
我就一滴酒也没喝过了 I haven't had a drop to drink.
你让莉迪亚戒酒了 You got Lydia to give up wine?
你应该靠这本事去赌城混饭吃 You should take your act to Vegas.
这不是什么本事 It's not an act.
我去车外面拿点调味品 I'm gonna go grab some spices out of the van.
好吧 你到底在开谁的玩笑 Okay, who are you kidding?
你不会真嫁给那充满朝气的向日葵吧 You can't marry that sunflower seed.
我没在开玩笑 I'm not kidding anybody.
我爱他 I love him.
实际上 他还在克里甘公园 In fact, he's leading a meditation seminar...
举办了一个冥想研讨班 at Kerrigan Park.
你也来参加吧 Why don't you come?
也许对你破裂的婚姻有所帮助 It might help you deal with your marriage crashing.
我的婚姻没有破裂 My marriage did not crash.
我和汤姆只是在分居 Tom and I are separated.
正因为这样 你才需要 Exactly why you should be
做一些自我修炼 doing some "Lynette work."
来吧 很有趣的 Come on. It'll be fun.
在一个传统的圆顶帐篷里静默六个小时 Six hours of silence in a traditional mountain yurt.
莉迪亚 我保证 I promise you, Lydia,
如果你硬把我拖进帐篷 if you drag me to a yurt,
两人进 一人出 two will go in, one will come out.
一站式加油站
小心点 你滴漏的都是纳税人的钱 Careful. That's our tax dollars you're dripping.
抱歉 Sorry.
你得加快速度了 那边的大香蕉 You need to pace yourself. You're gonna need lots of paint
还等着你多刷点颜料去盖掉呢 to cover that gigantic banana over there.
我不觉得那是个香蕉 Uh... I don't think that's a banana.
那个涂鸦可是我花了大气力弄的 Hey, I worked hard on that graffiti.
你怎么来了 What are you doing here?
《杀死一只知更鸟》 "To kill a mockingbird."
我昨晚开始读的 I started reading it last night.
这书很不错 It was so good.
我迫不及待想跟你讨论 I couldn't wait to talk to you about it.
是吧 这会儿我正忙着 Yeah, well, I'm kinda beautifying the city
美化城市呢 at the moment.
你不吃午饭吗 Don't you get a lunch?
卡洛斯 麦克看见我们昨晚一起了 Look, Carlos, Mike found out we were spending time together,
他有点起疑 and he's a little weird about it,
所以我们最好不要一起吃什么亲密午餐了 so I don't think we should be having any intimate lunches.
他为何起疑 我们又没发生什么事 Why is he weird? I mean, nothing's going on.
没有 当然没有 但怎么说 No, of course not, but somehow...
我们是半夜见面的 us meeting in the middle of the night
而且我还说谎了 and me lying about it was
对他来说可是危险信号 kind of a red flag for him.
好吧 Okay.
如果吃午饭太亲密了的话 Well, if lunch is too intimate...
我帮你一起美化城市 怎么样 How about... I help with the beautifying?
我想这个无妨 I guess there's no harm in that.
打扰一下 Excuse me.
你是来这做社区服务的吗 Are you here for community service?
不是 只想尽一个好市民的责任 Nope, just trying to be a good citizen.
不行 除非你违法了 Can't. Not unless you committed a crime.
你说真的吗 Are you serious?
是的 Yeah.
拿好 There.
我乱扔杂物了 I littered.
珍妮 相信我 Jenny, trust me.
你想引起杰克逊的注意 You want Jackson to notice you,
就先把他晾一边 ice him out.
不要跟他说话 不要注意他 Don't talk to him. Don't look at him.
还可以跟他最好的朋友睡一觉 Maybe have sex with his best friend.
我说的是喝一杯 懂了吗 I mean, have a soda. Got it?
全懂 Totes.
你们怎么回事 What happened to you guys?
两个小时以前就该回来了 You were supposed to be back two hours ago.
我们去购物了 这是你的信用卡 Uh, we went shopping. Here's your credit card.
顺便提一句 我给你升了限额 Oh, and by the way, I upped your limit.
三千块 你是干什么的 护士吗 3 grand? What are you, a nurse?
那跟我说说你们今天干什么了 So... Tell me all about your day.
苍天啊 我想看你买的所有东西 O.M.G. I want to see everything you bought.
爸爸 你早就过了 Dad, you're like a million years
说“苍天啊”的岁数了吧 too old for "O.M.G."
我要去试试你给我挑的化妆品了 I'm gonna try the makeup you got me.
慢着 你给她买化妆品了 Wait. You got her makeup?
她才11岁 She's 11.
她现在都能穿文胸了 Uh, she wears a bra now.
我想也到了用草莓唇彩的年纪了 Think she's ready for strawberry lip gloss.
等你跟我说说和杰克逊的事 Tell me what happens with Jackson.
我要知道所有细节 I want all the deets.
"细节" 我爱死你了 "Deets." I love you.
看你俩俨然成了姐妹儿了 Well, look at you two, all B.F.F.
那个"杰克逊"又是谁 我也想知道细节 So who's this Jackson? I would like those deets.
她让我不要跟别人说 Oh, she asked me not to tell anyone about him.
我不是别人 我是她的养父 I'm not anyone. I'm her co-father.
没别的意思 Well, don't take it personally.
只是有些事情 There are just some things girls would rather talk about
女生更愿意对女生讲 with other girls.
我也可以当女生 I could be a girl.
我完全可以当个女生 I could totally be a girl!
女生讲话可不用吼的 Well, you got the voice down.
你在哪 Hey, where are you?
厨房里 过来帮帮我 In the kitchen! Come join me.
闻起来真香 你在做什么 Smells amazing. What are you making?
烧罗非鱼 蛋黄酱萨芭雍甜品 Oh, seared tilapia, bearnaise sabayon,
还有一点小白菜 and a little bok choy.
给我帮把手好吗 Mind giving me a hand?
布里 你刚说的话里 Bree, the only word I recognized
我只听明白"帮忙"这一个词 in that sentence was "Hand."
来吧 不难学 这是蛋黄酱 Come on. There's nothing to it. This is bearnaise sauce.
只要不停搅拌十分钟就可以 It just needs ten minutes of constant whisking.
不停搅拌 Constant.
看 你真有天分 Look at you. You're a natural.
我换身衣服下来吃饭 I'm gonna go dress for dinner.
记好了 不停搅拌十分钟 Now remember, keep whisking for ten minutes.
如果你的手感觉抽筋了 就说明方法没错 If your hand starts to spasm, it means you're doing it right.
布里 我觉得时间已经到了 Bree, I think it's been ten minutes!
没有 没有 还早呢 No! No, not even close!
一直搅拌直到泛起泡沫 Keep whisking till it's light and frothy!
美景镇警署 布里·范德坎普
好了 不管时间够不够久了 Okay, I don't care how long it's been,
这玩意根本没有起泡的意思 that stuff ain't getting any frothier.
我握枪的这只手都抽筋了 And I got a cramp in my shooting hand.
明天要是有罪犯跑掉 就都怪你 So if a criminal gets away tomorrow, it'll be your fault.
真抱歉 I'm so sorry.
来 让我给你按摩按摩 Here. Let me, uh, massage it for you.
他趁你睡觉的时候 拍下了你的手 He took a picture of your hand while you were sleeping?
这太吓人了 How creepy is that?
我知道 他为什么要这么做 I know. Why would he do such a thing?
-天哪 －怎么了 - Oh, my god. - What?
他肯定是在犯罪现场发现了手印 He must have found a handprint at the crime scene.
他把你的手型从照片上印下来 He pulled your print off the photo,
结果完全相符 and they were a match.
-有这可能吗 -我不知道 - Is that possible? - I don't know.
那信封里会是什么 Well, then what's in the envelope?
也许是手机 也许是一节铲柄 Maybe the cell phone or a piece of the shovel handle.
不管是什么 他是想用那个来揭穿我们 Whatever it is, that's what he's gonna use to nail us.
我们得拿到那个信封 Well, we have to get that envelope,
我不能老让他搅调味酱来转移注意力 and I can't keep distracting him by having him stir sauces.
顺便说一句 他做的蛋黄酱 By the way, his bearnaise--
简直没法吃 disaster.
今晚他回家后 Okay. Tonight when he gets home,
你带他出去 走得远远的 you take him for a long walk,
后门开着 我来解决剩下的事情 leave the back door open, and I'll do the rest.
明白了 Got it.
如果手提箱是锁着的怎么办 What if the briefcase is locked?
我可以撬锁 没错 I can pick locks. Yeah.
我还可以用假音 伪造签名 I can also disguise my voice, forge people's signatures,
我还是一名体面的扒手 and I'm a decent pickpocket.
私通教会我很多有用的生活技巧 Adultery gave me some valuable life skills.
分数最没用了 Fractions are so stupid.
反正我这辈子也不会用上这玩意 I'm never gonna need this stuff anyway.
你开玩笑吗 Are you kidding me?
假如你嫁了一个身价二千万的男人 Let's say you marry a guy who's worth $20 million.
你和他离婚了 他给你一半的钱 You divorce him, and he gives you half,
但是你们签了婚前协议说你可以拿四分之三 but your prenup says you get three-quarters.
那额外的五百万你就可以买游艇了 That extra $5 million gets you a yacht,
这都归功于你学好了分数 because you learned your fractions.
顺便说一句 这可是真事 True story, by the way.
有人吗 我是李 Hello? It's Lee!
快上来 Hey! Come on up.
你会是个很酷的妈妈 You know, you'd be a really cool mom.
真的吗 You think so?
不会 我大概只会把孩子丢在夜总会 No, I'd probably just leave the kid in a nightclub
或 摩洛哥 or... Morocco.
你来干什么 Hey. What are you doing here?
还能干什么 我在找我女儿 What am I doing here? I'm looking for my daughter,
谁说过五点前要回家 Who said she'd be home by 5:00.
-我想我们聊得有点得意忘形了 -绝对 - I guess we got carried away. - Totes.
把单词说完整 这能浪费你多少时间 Use the whole word! How much time are you saving?
-冷静点 -你能别管这事吗 - Calm down. - Can you stay out of this?
这是我和我女儿之间的事 This is between me and my daughter.
别说了 你让我太尴尬了 Stop. You're embarrassing me.
我不在乎 I don't care.
你现在就跟我回家 You need to come home with me... Now.
我要是说我还不想离开呢 What if I say I'm not ready to leave?
我要是说你被禁足一周呢 What if I say you're grounded for a week?
你还要跟我讨价还价吗 Should we keep going?
什么 这太不公平了 What?! You are so unfair!
你对她要求有点太严格了吧 Aren't you being a little hard on her?
你别管 雷尼 别真把自己当妈了 Back off, Renee. You're not her mother.
宝贝 这是你迄今为止做的 Mmm. My sweet, that was your most
最美味的一顿饭 delicious meal yet.
这是什么 What was in this?
核桃 麻脂凝乳 Uh, just walnuts, hemp curds,
还有一种非常特殊的配方 and one very special ingredient.
千万别说是"爱" Please don't say "Love,"
因为我已经要吐了 Because I'm already nauseous.
我发现餐后散步 I find that a walk after a meal
有助于消化 helps encourage my digestive flow.
有人要跟我一起走走吗 Anybody care to join me?
你去吧 我来收拾 You go. I'll clean up.
不要 勒奈特 No, Lynette!
这里面都是毒物 That's full of poison.
是啊 美味的奶油毒物 Yes, delicious, creamy poison,
顺便提醒你一下 which, by the way,
你曾经狼吞虎咽吃了不少 you used to suck down by the gallon.
是 我知道 但我已经变了 Yes, I know, but I've changed.
我也想助你转变 所以我才来的 And I wanna help you change, too. It's why I'm here.
这话比我们刚吃完的饭 Wow. That's a bigger load of crap
还要扯 than the one we just ate.
你说什么 Excuse me?
你来这里不是为了我 而是因为头一次 You're not here for me. You're here because for once,
沐浴幸福爱河的人是你 you're the one in the happy relationship,
你迫不及待地要在我的伤口上撒盐 and you just couldn't wait to rub my face in it.
你怎么能 How could--
你为什么 不 Why do you al--no.
不 不 不 不 不 No, no, no, no. No.
你可别想拖我下水 You won't drag me down to your level.
我正被爱情能量营造的 I am surrounded by a beautiful bubble
美丽气泡环绕 of loving energy.
没错 莉迪亚 Yes, Lydia,
你现在就活在虚幻的泡沫中 you are in a bubble,
但一旦采石者丢弃了你 but once the pebble collector
他们通常都会这么做 dumps you like they all do,
你就又会回到吃成堆的冰淇淋 you'll go right back to being the ice cream-binging,
狂饮酒精的日子 wine-swilling,
露出你神经质的真面目 neurotic mess you really are.
泡泡破裂 Pop!
你太刻薄了 天哪 我恨你 You are so mean. God, I hate you.
这才是你 欢迎回归本色 There she is. Welcome back.
一直以来 你都把我当成衰人 My whole life, you've treated me like a screwup.
你永远都比我开心 You always had to be the happy one,
比我聪明 还比我先结婚 the smart one, the married one.
我告诉你 贱人 现在你才是衰人 Well, guess what? Now you're the screwup, bitch.
你单身一人 孤单悲惨 You're alone and miserable,
我真是乐在其中 and I love it.
爽啊爽啊爽翻了 I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it!
我忘带iPod了 I just, uh, forgot my iPod.
不妙 雪当利冰淇淋 Uh-oh. A chardonnay float.
这是不是说... Does that mean...
正是 Yes.
拉什独自一人去了灵修会 Rashi's gone to the retreat alone,
所以... 恭喜 So... congratulations.
现在我和你一样惨了 Now I'm just as miserable as you are.
他甩了你吗 Did he... dump you?
他说现在他看到了真实的我 He said now that he's seen the real me,
他得好好考虑要不要和我结婚 he needs to meditate on whether or not he can still marry me.
姐们 我全搞砸了 I'm so screwed, dude.
如果他这么快就决定放手 You know, if he was that quick to run off,
也许他不是你的真命天子 maybe he's not the guy.
他就是 He's the guy.
可惜我不是他的真命天女 I'm just not the girl.
我以为我能甩掉失败的过去 I thought I could put all that loser stuff behind me
真正拥有一段可靠的感情 and actually have a functional relationship.
我想是我太过奢求了 I guess that's too much to ask for.
你何不找他谈谈 Why don't you go talk to him?
不行 I can't.
见识了我那么泼辣的样子之后 After how I behaved,
他告诉我圆顶帐篷不欢迎我的负面能量 I've been told my energy is no longer welcome in the yurt.
她在哪里 Where is she?
你说谁啊 Where is who?
珍妮 她本该被禁足 Jenny. She's supposed to be grounded,
但是我去她房间查看时 她却不在了 but when I went to her room to check on her, she was gone.
反正她没在这里 我一下午都在外面 Well, she's not here. I've been out all afternoon.
谁信你的鬼话 I don't think I trust you.
珍妮 你在这里吗 Jenny? Are you in here?
你要知道 这都是你的错 This is all your fault, you know.
我的错 这怎么是我的错 My fault? How is it my fault?
抱歉 我现在不想跟你说话 I'm sorry. I'm not speaking to you right now.
你搅和进来之前 We were a perfectly happy family
我们是幸福美满的一家人 before you got involved.
什么叫搅和进来 你逼我带她购物 Got involved? You made me take her shopping
因为你有胸部恐惧症 'cause you're scared of boobs!
是啊 然后你把她据为已有 Yeah, and then you glommed on
因为你自己没有小孩 because you don't have kids of your own.
这不是她的错 It's not her fault!
珍妮 Jenny.
我从后窗溜进来的 I snuck in a back window.
抱歉 Sorry.
怎么回事 你怎么在这里 What's going on? Why are you here?
我喜欢这里 我们一起美甲 I like it here. We did our nails.
还有呢 More.
我不知道 I don't know.
有时候我觉得有个妈妈 Sometimes I think it'd be cool to have a...
挺好的 mother.
天啊 她要"妈妈"了 Oh, my god. The "M" Word.
淡定 Easy.
妈妈能做的 我都能做到 What can a mother do that I can't?
你想做指甲吗 You wanna do your nails?
以后每周一咱们就去 Mani-pedi Mondays start next week.
你想试穿鞋子吗 You want to try on shoes?
我这儿有雪儿在《月色撩人》首映礼上 I have the stilettos that Cher wore
雪儿 美国歌手和演员
穿的高跟鞋 to the "Moonstruck" Premiere.
你又不能和我一起去女卫生间 You can't go in the ladies' room with me.
所以这才是关键吗 So that's the problem?!
我总算懂了 Well, you've got me.
我知道只有爸爸和爹地这么可怕了 I see why having a dad and a papa is so horrible.
珍妮 你先去厨房好吗 Jenny, why don't you go in the kitchen?
那里有最新的《服饰与美容》 The latest "Vogue" is in there.
我家也有时尚杂志 We have magazines at our house, too!
你还好吗 Are you okay?
最可怕的噩梦成了现实 This is my worst nightmare come true.
自从领养她开始 I've worried about this moment
我就一直担心会有这一刻 ever since she came into our lives.
如果鲍勃和我还不足够怎么办 What if Bob and I aren't enough?
如果她真需要妈妈怎么办 What if she does need a mother?
少胡说了 Oh, shut up.
你说什么 Excuse me?
你收留了一个被无数寄养之家 You took a girl who was bouncing
踢来踢去的女孩 from one foster home to another
还给了她两位关心爱护她的家长 and gave her two great parents who love her.
你也听到她说的了 这还不够 But you heard her. It's not enough.
拜托 她不过是个小孩 Oh, please, she's a kid.
今天她要妈妈 明天她要轿车 Today she wants a mom. Tomorrow she'll want a car.
珍妮什么都不缺 Jenny is not lacking for anything,
而你们把她教育得很好 and you guys are doing an amazing job with her.
真的吗 Really?
当然是真的 Yeah, really.
神奇的是 有生以来头一回 So amazing, that for the first time in my life,
我真挺享受和一个小孩出去逛 I... actually enjoyed hanging out with a kid.
谢谢 Aw. Thank you.
我收回说过的一切 And I take back everything I said
骂你是无情无义的贱人那些 about you being an insensitive bitch.
你没那样说过 Uh, you never said that.
别打开电子邮箱 Don't open your e-mail.
我们是太阳 We are the sun,
内心释放出温暖 the warmth radiating from our hearts.
我们是在永恒天空下的浩瀚海洋 We are the endless sea rolling beneath the forever sky.
我们是树叶 风将我们吹离大树 We are the leaves. The wind blows us from trees.
抱歉 抱歉 都怪该死的风 Sorry, sorry. Stupid wind.
我们是星星 We are the stars,
闪闪发光 慢慢成长 glowing, growing,
牺牲自己 为宇宙增光添彩 losing ourselves but gaining the universe.
有空吗 You got a sec?
你来这里干什么 What are you doing here?
除了忍住不让自己笑掉大牙外吗 Besides trying not to laugh my ass off?
我得和你谈谈 I need to talk to you.
现在不行 Well, not now!
我的学生已经冥想了六个小时 My students have been meditating for six hours.
他们很快就要接近福祉 They are very close to finding their bliss.
我敢肯定他们能让你歇几分钟 I'm sure they can spare you for a few minutes,
要么你和我谈谈 so come talk to me,
要么我就放声大唱 or I will start singing Ethel Merman
艾索尔·摩曼的歌[百老汇歌星] at the top of my lungs.
娱乐至上 无与伦比 There's no business like show business
-无与... -真抱歉 - There's no... - So sorry.
我去去就来 I'll be right back.
跟我来 come on.
你不能离开莉迪亚 You can't leave Lydia.
我也不想的 但昨天冲你大吼的那个人 I don't want to, but I didn't recognize
让我感到陌生 that person I saw yelling at you.
我不陌生 每次我们见面 I did. It's the person I turn her into
我都会把她逼成那样 every time we get together.
她一身轻松地来到我家 满是幸福和爱 The Lydia I didn't recognize was the one
这才让我感到陌生 who breezed through my house, happy and in love.
你没理解我的意思 对我而言 You don't understand. It's too hard for me
和你们这种人相处是很困难的 to be around people like you and Lydia.
那你就 吃吃药 唱唱赞美诗什么的 Then... Eat a root or chant or whatever.
没用的 It's not gonna help, okay?
为什么 Why not?
因为你们的境况和我之前的家庭一模一样 Because you are exactly like my family.
我真名不叫拉什 My name is not Rashi.
我叫赫伯特·布里克迈尔 It's Herbert Brickmeyer,
来自长岛的莱维顿 from Levittown, Long Island,
昨天你厨房里那一幕 And that energy in your kitchen--
简直就是我家里的翻版 That was pure Brickmeyer,
我不能再和这样的人生活在一起 And I can't be around that again.
好吧 好吧 首先 Okay. Okay, first of all,
要不是我激怒了她 她是不会那样尖锐的 Lydia doesn't act like that when I'm not pushing her buttons.
就算她以前是那样 你们也可以共度难关 And even if she did, work it out.
这才是爱情的本质 That's what a relationship is.
你是情感专家吗 And you're a relationship expert?
我擅长把感情弄得一团糟 I'm an expert on screwing them up.
我想 你应该是用了很久时间 I'm guessing it took you a while
才摆脱了原来那个疯狂的自己 to stop being a crazy Long Island Brickmeyer,
那你也该给她一点时间寻求这样的福祉 So give Lydia a little time to find her bliss, too.
我考虑考虑 I'll think about it.
一谈我家的事 All this talk about my family's
烟瘾就上来了 got me really jonesing for a cigarette.
你有没有 You wouldn't happen to...
抱歉 草地禁烟 Sorry, herb.
嗨 Hi.
-什么事 -拉什打来电话了 - What? - Rashi called.
他上灵修课时有了顿悟 He had an epiphany during the retreat.
现在他知道我正在改变 愿意等我 He knows I'm changing, and he's willing to be patient.
他说得对 你确实变了不少 He's right. You are changing.
以前没见过你这样 I have never seen you like this before.
真的吗 Really?
是真的 亲爱的 Yeah, really, honey.
可能 I think...
可能这就是为什么我态度那么恶劣 I think that is why I have been so rotten to you.
我是嫉妒你 I'm jealous.
为什么 Why?
我并没与家人融洽相处 而是掌控他们 I don't get in relationships, Lydia. I get on them.
骑在他们头上 揪住他们的头发 I mount them and grab them by the hair
对他们左右开弓 and kick them in the sides
直到他们对我唯命是从 until I make them go where I want.
这样谁都不敢 And god help the other person
与我意见相左了 if they have a different idea than me.
你和汤姆之间就是这个问题吗 Is that what happened with you and Tom?
是啊 Oh, yeah.
你也可以转变 勒奈特 You can change, too, Lynette.
我不知道自己行不行 I don't know if I can.
我确信今天的结局已经很好了 I'm pretty sure this is as good as it gets.
不是的 勒奈特 No, Lynette.
你现在认识到自己的问题了 No, because you recognize your problem now.
曾经有位智者说过 And a wise man once said
想要开启改变之旅 that to begin the journey of change,
我们必须具备理性的自我认识 we must pull on the boots of self-awareness.
你说的智者就是拉什吗 And was that wise man Rashi?
他是不是很可爱 Isn't he adorable?
当他和斯考特还有吉姆聊天的时候 And when he talks to Scout and Jim,
他不只是想为社区做好事 you know he doesn't wanna just do the right thing
他还想尽到做父亲的义务 for the community. He wants to do the right thing as a father.
我懂 就像格里高利·派克[男影星] I know. It's like when Gregory Peck
看着孩子们的时候 你就知道他 looks at those kids, you can tell that he's--
格里高利·派克 Gregory Peck?
你肯定没读那本书 对吧 You didn't actually read the book, did you?
对 我看了开头 电视剧就播出了 Yeah. I started, and then it was on cable.
很抱歉 那本书实在太厚了 I'm sorry. It's just too many pages.
麦克 Mike.
什么 What?
老天 他往这边开来了 Oh, god. He's turning around!
好吧 Okay.
这个 跟我来 Uh... Okay, come on.
他看没看见我们 Do you think he saw us?
我不知道 I don't know.
卡车不见了 可能走了吧 I don't see his truck. I think he left.
谢天谢地 Oh, thank god.
差点就被发现了 Wow, that was close.
是啊 我心跳很快 Yeah, my heart's pounding.
我知道 摸出来了 I know. I can feel it.
咱们这是什么情况 What is going on here?
没什么情况 Nothing.
你确定吗 Are you sure?
确定 就是两个朋友 Yeah. We're just two friends
都经历着难熬的日子 who are going through a tough time and are trying to
互相帮助走出困境 不是吗 help each other through it, right?
那为什么我们要藏在货车后备箱里 Then why are we hiding in the back of a van
躲着我丈夫 from my husband?
以后再不能这么做了 I don't think we should do this anymore.
没错 Yeah.
麦克 你这是干什么 Mike! What are you doing?
等你帮你男友解完围 When you're done helping your boyfriend,
我跟你有话说 we need to talk.
没事吧 You okay?
还好 Yeah.
你好 Hello.
今天过得怎么样 How was your day?
有点紧张 It was a little stressful.
我也是 Ah. Mine, too.
咱们去放松下 一起出去走走好吗 We need to unwind. How about a nice, long walk?
我有个更好的主意 I have a better idea.
我要带你去个特别的地方 There's someplace special I'd like to take you.
是吗 去哪 Oh? Where?
是份惊喜 It's a surprise.
我不太喜欢惊喜 I don't really like surprises.
我喜欢 走吧 I do. Shall we?
现在 Now?
我先梳洗一下怎么样 Uh, can I freshen up first?
你看起来挺整洁的 You look plenty fresh to me.
但身上的衣服穿了一天了 But I've been in these clothes all day.
我想换一套 I'd really like to change.
好吧 别让我等太久 Okay. Don't keep me waiting.
布里 你们离开家了没 Bree, have you left yet?
计划有变 他要带我出去 New plan. He's taking me out,
他还要把信封也带去 And he's got the envelope.
-你们去哪儿 -他不告诉我 - Where are you going? - He won't say,
可如果那封信真是他写的 But if he wrote that letter,
而他现在带着证据把我叫出去... And he's bringing me somewhere with the evidence...
肯定是要敲诈你 This is when he gives you the shakedown!
我在后面跟你们一起去 I'll follow you.
你不是要换衣服吗 I thought you were gonna change.
我换了 I did.
我换了心情 我本来不想去 My attitude. I didn't wanna go,
现在想了 but now I do.
坐那张靠角落的桌子好不好 Uh, what about that-- that table in the corner?
我们需要私密空间 We'd like some privacy.
不好不好 我讨厌私密 No, no, no, no. I hate privacy.
大家一起热热闹闹多好 I like noise and bustle and lots of people.
坐中间这张桌吧 How about this one in the middle?
你说坐哪儿就坐哪儿吧 Whatever you say.
穿外套热不热 Oh, aren't you warm in that jacket?
是啊 有点热 Actually, a little.
先点菜 再聊天吧 So, um, let's order first, and then we can talk.
开胃菜一看就好吃 Don't these appetizers sound delicious?
好吃的法式蜗牛 Yum! Escargot, and I...
还有我最爱的洋葱汤 I love onion soup.
鞑靼牛排不点不行 But it'll be hard to pass up on the beef tartare.
乡村派 看啊 Rustic country pate. Look.
呃 看什么 Uh, what am I looking at?
写的不就是"乡村派"这几个字吗 It just says "Rustic country pate."
咱们看看菜单左半边吧 Maybe we should look on the left side of the menu.
我觉得左半边菜单肯定有好东西 I definitely think we'll find something good on the left side.
没有酒水单 服务生呢 We didn't get a wine list. Where's our waiter?
我去去就来 I'll be right back.
等等 你要去哪儿 Wait. Where-- where are you going?
梳洗一下 To freshen up.
怎么又来 Again?
你说这里面装的什么 What do you think's in there?
会不会是骸骨什么的 你打开看看 What if it's a bone? You open it!
不是吧 Oh, no.
可能是颗牙吧 Maybe it's a tooth?
他给我的手照照片... Ohh. The picture of my hand--
原来是为了看我戴多大的戒指 He was trying to figure out my ring size.
这也不能说明不是他写的信 Well, this doesn't necessarily mean he didn't send the letter.
我觉得明显不是 I think it does.
那就不用担心了 对吧 Okay, well, this is a relief, right?
至少 不是他勒索你 I mean, at least he's not blackmailing you.
可是他想跟我结婚 No, it means he wants to marry me.
你准备怎么办 So what are you gonna do?
我确实喜欢查克 I like Chuck, but he's not the man
但他不适合与我共度余生 I wanna spend the rest of my life with.
你先走吧 我想办法婉转拒绝他 You can go. I'll do my best to let him down easy.
赚那么点钱 还舍得买这么好的钻石 Some rock, and on a cop's salary?
不过还是得分手 But you should still dump him.
麦克 Mike.
你要是决定了 就长话短说吧 If you're gonna say it, say it fast.
哥们儿 一言难尽啊 There is no fast way to say it, buddy.
你跑这儿来干嘛 What the hell are you doing here?
我们好不容易决定跟你实话实说 We're finally gonna tell you the truth.
一个月前 百家宴的时候 About a month ago, the progressive dinner--
你还记得那天吗 You remember that night?
直接说主题 Just get to the part that's the truth.
我把加布的继父杀了 I killed Gaby's stepfather.
我们几个帮他遮掩过去了 And me and the girls helped cover it up.
不好意思 久等了 I'm sorry that took so long.
没事儿 Oh, that-- that--that's all right.
刚好让我 It actually gave me a chance
喝了一杯威士忌和一杯红酒 To have a scotch and a glass of red wine.
让我冷静了些 Calm my nerves a little.
天啊 我要是也喝点就好了 God, I wish I could have a drink.
为什么 你要冷静干嘛 Why? What are you nervous about?
我有些很重要的事儿想跟你说 I have something important to say.
会不会是 Huh. Um, I-I wonder
跟我要说的是一个事儿 if it's the same thing that I'm gonna say.
应该不是 I'm pretty sure it's not.
查克 你是个好人 Chuck, you are a wonderful man,
跟你在一起的日子我过得很开心 但是 and I have enjoyed our time together, but--
等等 等等 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
你这是 Are you--are you...
你要跟我分手 You're dumping me?
我本来 I was...
我本打算一会儿跟你求婚呢 I was about to propose to you.
对不起 如果是我误导了你 I'm sorry if I misled you--
这个道歉太假了 就是你误导的我 Hey, there's a fake apology. You did mislead me.
查克 别这样 Chuck, please--
你知不知道 你好像变了个人一样 You know, it's like you're two people.
时而跟我相处得那么愉快 There's the woman I have fun with,
与我心意相通 who I really... I really connect to,
时而又变成另外一个人 and there's this other woman who's--
反复无常 举止古怪 who's, uh, who's mysterious and--and weird
没完没了溜走 各种借口 and keeps sneaking out to "Run errands."
你有别人了 对不对 There's another guy, isn't there?
没有 我跟你保证 没有别人 No. I assure you, there's no one else.
少骗人 Don't lie to me!
是不是给你写信那人 Was he the one who sent you that letter?
什么信 What letter?
就是你那天半夜看的那封 The one that you, uh, you were reading the other night,
看得你激动万分的那封 You got all shook up about--
是不是那个人写的 was that from him?
没有什么别人 There is no "Him."
布里 你知不知道 You know, Bree,
我曾愿为你赴汤蹈火 I would've done anything for you.
我对我爱的人 总是保护有加 I protect the people that I care about.
但从今往后 我不会再在乎你 I don't care about you now.
如果你会遇到什么麻烦 So if you find yourself in trouble,
我确信你迟早会有麻烦 And I'm pretty sure that someday you will...
到时候别来找我 then don't come calling me.
你定会悔不当初 You have made a very big mistake.
没错 紫藤郡的居民们 Yes, the residents of Wisteria Lane
擅做表面文章 are skilled at the art of concealment.
他们知道 They know how to cover
如何修饰仓促分手的狼狈 the evidence of a messy breakup...
如何补偿孩子们缺失的幸福 to compensate for what their children might be missing...
如何与心爱的家人分享心事 and to spare the feelings of a loved one
哪怕毫不欣赏对方的品位 whose taste they may not share.
但对有些人来讲 But for some,
遮掩的代价 实在太高 the art of concealment comes at too great a cost.
所以即使后果未卜 And so they find themselves forced to reveal the truth...
他们还是鼓起勇气说出真相 even at the risk of facing an uncertain future.